Bio-Chemistry in Delhi Metro!


(Continued … from Indian Swag !)

Sumit quickly got up from his seat, trying to accommodate all his belongings carefully and ran towards to the closing gate but it was too late. The train had already started towards its next destination.

A heavy load of metro was shed at last station when most of the people got down but it was still crowded. Sumit’s seat was taken by another elderly person, so there was no question of him going back to ask for his seat again. He was lucky to get the space vacant next to the exit gate of the metro coach where he could hardly reach before the gates were locked. He preferred to stand there with his backpack resting on the fiber support-wall of the seats.

He was glancing the scene of the metro coach in front of his eyes while his mind was busy finding a solution to what he should do with the things fallen on his lap belonging to that gentleman. Suddenly he noticed two young guys standing in the isle between the seats in next stretch of metro coach. They were young, in early twenties, around same age, one looking a little younger than the other. Both were attractive but younger one was cuter than the other. Both were fair, fit, and handsome.

Seeing these two guys, who were standing adjacent to each other at a relatively closer distance, a thought of “something special between them” came to his mind. But then he discarded the idea blaming the reason of closeness to be over-crowded metro coach. They were not talking to each other and probably it was just a co-incidence that brought them at such a close distance to each other.

Sumit looked at the things in his hand once again. A bunch of visiting cards with just a monogram, a pen drive attached to a key, and a few bunch of Rupees mostly in  denominations of 10’s and 20’s. The pen drive was the only hope for him to find any clues of his master. But is it morally correct to look into someone’s data without his consent? His conscience did not allow him to do that but was there any other option available? There was no number, address or any other details mentioned on the visiting card except a single alphabet monogram.

Sumit held everything back in his palm thinking what to do and rested his head back on the wall. Now he noticed the guys in front of him were talking to each other. He smiled. His intuition wasn’t that bad after all. They were acquainted to each other, or probably more than just an acquaintance.

“What a cute and lovely couple”, he talked to himself seeing the two. “Huh ! They are just colleagues or good friends probably. I am overthinking”, He smiled again on his creative thinking. He just made two normal guys “a couple”. He must refrain from such literature which is now influencing his thoughts, he suggested to himself. But no, it was this special chemistry between them right from the moment he noticed them first, which was evidently highlighting the “special bonding”.

The train crossed next couple of stations and he could not stop himself from getting a glimpse of the guys every now and then. What was it… just a curiosity … or the charm of  their beauty.. or his hidden desires to find immortal love in his “assumed couples” was the main reason for him to keep looking at them time and again, he could not understand it. But he was impulsed to follow them with his eyes… probably knowing the fact that this scene will not last long in front of his eyes. Something that he only dreamt of was happening in real in front of his eyes.

The train halted at next station and two seats in front of those two guys were vacated. They quickly occupied the two adjacent seats. These were the corner seats. After they settled down on the seat comfortably, the beard guy asked the younger guy to share his earphone. The younger guy was sitting on right of the beard guy. He adjusted his backpack on his lap covering himself upto mid-chest and the beard guy inserted his hand inside in the gap between backpack and the younger guy. The younger guy resisted a little and interrupted his hand a couple of times, when the beard guy held his arm with his other hand and pulled it out. He put younger guy’s arm over the backpack on his lap and held it tight with his second hand so that younger guy could not interrupt him any more. The chemistry between them was now turning into more powerful bio-chemistry. Luckily, no one was standing right in front of them at the moment or facing them. They both kept watching the rest of the people around to see who is noticing them. Almost everyone around them was busy, either with their mobile or something else. A mid aged person on the opposite lane was busy reading his news paper spread wide. No one was apparently looking at them.

This made the beard guy proceed further. He inserted his right arm in the gap between the younger guy’s body and the backpack kept on on his lap and then his arm started moving in and out. It was evident what he was doing. The to and fro movements of his elbow started gaining speed and a little aggression. The younger lad became a little uncomfortable, looked again at people around him and found no one observing them. He then tried to get rid of his left hand captivated in the tight grip of beard guy, and then tried to pull the beard guy’s hand out or may be asked him to slow down. The movements of beard guy’s hand were slowed down, for a moment. Both of them kept talking during all this intermittently to appear in between normal routine conversations, just to not attract undue attention. Younger guy was resisting the movements of beard guy’s hand reaching his groin and then the beard guy pulled-out  younger guy’s hand again gently and held it in his other hand. His right hand started doing what it was doing earlier with same aggressive pace, ignoring younger one’s reluctance. The fair complexion of younger lad’s face turned a bit pinkish in a few moments when the beard guy kept rubbing and massaging his mate. The beard guy was still aggressively enjoying the feel of crotch of his younger pal with his hand. Both kept watching over each other to avoid anyone catching them in this act. It was then the younger guy’s eyes met Sumit’s eyes. Eyes speak loud and clear. Sumit quickly moved his eyes away as if it was just a casual glimpse. And then younger guy whispered something to beard guy and pulled his hand out of his crotch area. Beard guy was reluctant to take his hand out but had to do it when younger one insisted. Sumit was standing on back side of the beard guy. After the younger guy whispered and stopped the beard guy, he turned back to see in the direction Sumit was standing. Later, younger one removed his backpack from his lap and both sat casually as a normal passenger. The beard guy resumed listening music through his mobile device.

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No doubt, it was a cute couple, with a strong bio-chemistry bonding between them. The forces comprised of compassion, possessiveness and admiration for each other and unspoken right over each other’s body were enough to give a clear sign of love for each other which strengthens the bonding even deeper when it is governed by such bio-chemistry.

The train halted at next station and both alighted the train on their way to home, and Sumit tried to capture the last glimpse of this cute couple in his memories.

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Killer Silence-(Concluding Part)


(Continued from previous post…)

I tried hard to sleep, but could not succeed. Both the things were disturbing, his negligence and his unhappiness. I had also got accustomed to his pampering and embracing me during sleep for a long time now. It gave me a sense of love, care, safety and security, all in one. Now, all of a sudden, his bad mood was raising my tension level as I was threatened of loosing such a good and caring friend.

I slowly turned towards him, and sneak-peeked on his face to see if he was asleep. He was lying in same pose with his face opposite to me. He was awake. Noticing me above his face, he quickly cleaned the tears rolling out of his eyes. What the fu.k? He was crying, hiding from me. Definitely, I must be somehow involved in this. I was right in guessing, it was not just a health issue.

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I got closer to him, and hugged him tightly from back. He did not react. But he moved his head away from me. I grabbed his chest, close to his arm-pits from my left hand (through which I was embracing him), to prevent him from escaping me, and slowly pulled him towards me. Our bodies were again in touch with each-other. I kissed him gently on his neck and then on shoulder as he was still facing the opposite direction. He still did not respond to my kisses.

I forced him to turn flat from the side pose, to which he initially resisted a bit but when I continued doing that he finally gave up. I got on top of him and hugged him tightly in my arms, and kept my head on his chest. I closed my eyes and kept listening to his heart beats. After a few moments, I felt his hand on my face. He slowly started pampering me like we do to kids. This gave a sign of relief to my restless heart. His heart-beats were also getting calmer and soothing. We kept hugging like this for a while.

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I wasn’t sure what the matter was, but I was now sure, that somehow I made him cry. It was I who made such a loving, caring and darling person cry who had always been trying his best to keep me happy. The person who had always given preferences to my wishes, my choices, my needs, over and above his personal interests and needs. I had always been cruel to him and quite selfish too in this regard, and always over-looked his needs and mis-understood his feelings for me. All previous incidents when I had done injustice to him started floating in my mind. My eyes got watery in grief and I knew that I was again guilty somewhere, somehow.

I’ m sorry“, automatically came directly from bottom of my heart, lying in same pose. There was no response from him, except that he continued pampering my head with his left hand.

He was still maintaining that silence. Even I did not want to say anything. I just wanted to get lost in that soothing and calming silence. I understood now that I made him cry, but what I did not know was what exactly my fault was. It was important for me to understand it and know it to avoid repeating it in future. I was about to ask it, but suddenly growling sounds coming from my stomach broke the silence between us.  He also noticed it, and asked, “Why have you not taken dinner yet?

I was not feeling hungry either“, I replied, embracing him even tighter. I felt slight vibrations on his belly, he was laughing on my reply. He knew we take dinner together always, barring a few exceptional cases. He knew I was lying. I heard his voice again, “Okay! I’m feeling a bit hungry now. Let’s have something to eat”.  His voice was again having that caring and loving touch. I kissed on his chest and got up and held his hand in my hand to take him with me.

After we finished our dinner, he said, “You should not lie, you are not good at it.” I was surprized to hear that, and was thinking, which lie from me might have upset him and caused him tears tonight? I usually refrain myself from all sort of lies, so I was curious to know, and asked him, “What are you talking about? When did I lie to you?” He smiled, and said, “That…when you said you are not feeling hungry while your stomach was crying loud for the dinner.“. I replied, “Oh ! That..!! That I learned from you. Didn’t you lie too?“. He maintained silence once again. I got the feeling that he was not so “normal” yet. He probably did all this to ensure that I do not have to starve all night. He might not have forgiven me truly yet, and might still be holding on to those grudges deep inside.

I didn’t lie to you“, now he broke the silence.

Really? Tell me how..?  When did you have your dinner?“, I asked.

He replied, “I did not say anything about dinner. All I said was that I had taken heavy snacks in office party.

I don’t believe you. You always call me well in advance to inform me about any such outside dinners, don’t you?“, I was confident and smiling on my intelligence to successfully catch his lie.

I am really sorry as I could not inform you today. I was out of my mind.. kind of. But it is true that I had taken heavy snacks just a few hours back“, He replied. His reply made me wonder what could have caused him such a great setback so much so that he was “out of mind“, and forgot about informing me. I knew, he would not lie to me.

I was thinking all this when he continued, “I was in same food-court with my colleagues, where you two were enjoying at 5 PM.” He paused for a moment, and then continued, “BTW, I must agree, she is really a pretty girl. She looks better than her photo.” His voice was again diminishing, and trembling, probably he was getting emotional.

I recalled, I was in XXXXX Food Court at that time, with Divyangana, a colleague and a very good friend of mine. We developed a good understanding and our wavelengths match perfectly. I told him, “Oh ! That !!! She was Divyangana, one of my colleagues. It was her sister’s birthday this Sunday, so she took me out for a birthday treat. ” I paused for a moment, and then asked him, “If you were there, why didn’t you join us? We all would have had great fun together.

The ice started melting now. He opened his mind, and said, “Firstly, it was a private party for two of you and I was not invited. Anyways, I did not want to interrupt the love-birds (He emphasized the word love-birds and stretched it unusually). I was disappointed that you had to hide your love and life from me, all because of my feelings for you.

Was this the only thing upsetting your mood?“, I asked him, looking into his eyes.

He lowered his eyes but did not say anything. There was again a deep killer silence in between us for sometime. I realized later that this silence could be deadly dangerous to a nourishing relationship at times. It gives a chance to grow misunderstandings. It also may lead to assumption of “acceptance” when there is no response and some answer is expected.

After some time, he uttered, “No, actually not. I felt insecure that I might loose you forever now. I started feeling anxious, low and as a loser when I saw you two together, smiling and enjoying a lot.” He paused for a while, and then continued,  “My fear of loosing you forever, which might happen  probably after 9-10 months, was turning into reality right in front of my eyes today. I found myself all alone, having a lonely life and that’s why I was so scared and depressed. But I know, I don’t have a right to snatch your share of happiness from you. I should not be so selfish.

I kept hearing all silently. I was glad that he opened up and shared his true concerns with me. That’s the true power of a relationship, “The Trust“. When you don’t have any fears or hesitations. After he finished, I did, what I was longing to do for a long time since he entered the room. I kissed him on his lips, passionately and told him, “You are my stupid, jealous, naughty baby. You love me, but don’t trust me. No one can give me even fraction of love that you offered me. There is nothing in my life to hide from you.

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Later, this whole incident gave me a warning too. Why is this lack of trust between us?

I had other questions also running in my mind, “Don’t I have any right to enjoy my life with my colleagues, my friends or anyone for that matter? Don’t I deserve a little private moments?”

And the more glooming question that needs immediate solution is “How to solve these issues with insecurity, un-trust, and privacy?”

My New Personal Trainer


Once in a blue moon, it happens to me.

My roomie has a good shape and body built. He used to go to gym earlier so shapes, cuts and contours can be seen easily in his body. I am rather a lazy guy. I need tonnes of motivation factor and push-up, and a regular gym buddy to accompany me in gym and exercise routines.

Now, this blue-moon re-appeared after a long time gap. A long sensational and motivational speech from my roomie, Rio Olympics, and the movie “Sultan”, all contributed to rise of this blue moon, and I prepared myself to resume physical exercise on routine basis. Poor me !

He was ready to be my trainer. Since, I was starting, his suggestion was that I should start with light exercises and Yoga to increase the flexibility and stamina. So, he explained me a few warm-up exercises and a few “excellent”  Yoga-Aasnas.

YogaGuru

So, my Yoga-Guru and personal trainer, cum lover, demonstrated how to do the Bridge Aasna, and Surya Namashkaar. It helps a lot in increasing the flexibility of body.

To start with he advised me to initially take support of wall (when he is not around me to support) for a better support and balance and then slowly increase the angle as the flexibility increases. The pose looks like following:

BridgePose-1

I don’t know why is it happening now-a-days but I have started admiring a lot, his looks and his body. His body now kind of appeals me. I want to keep on looking at him for long time and touch it. I want to hold him in my arms.

When he was bent as a bow, in the bridge shape, many nasty thoughts puzzled my mind. My attention diverted from his instructions to his body and how could I play with him. First thing that came to my mind was to take revenge of all the tickling-torture he had been doing to me from time to time. It was a good time and place too.

Now, you try it!“, he ordered while getting back to his stable position slowly. His order interrupted me in my naughty plans. I got up from bed, went to the place where he was demonstrating over the carpet, and carefully started bending slowly. I could not pay attention to his instructions about inhaling and exhaling during steps and bending, so I was kind of careless in taking due precautions. As a result, I over-stretched my muscles and lost my balance.

He came to my rescue as I was unable to get up on my own. I caught terrible pain due to muscle strains. He grabbed me in his arms and helped me to get back to my bed.

PickupSupport

Now, after first day of learning and a trial, I am on bed rest, and medication. The pain in lower back is so terrible that I am unable to do any body movements due to muscle strains and pain. That’s why this week’s post is a little early this week as I took two days off from my office, and he took two days off to be with me all the time to support me and my basic needs.

So friends, the moral of the story is – focus on what you are doing. Give value to your teacher’s instructions instead of your nasty thoughts and his/her body when s/he is sharing the something with you.

Master-Piece in Delhi Metro


8:30 AM, Yellow Line Metro @ Saket Metro Station in New Delhi.

This week I had to rush to Gurgaon, to attend a seminar. It was a week-long series and I was nominated by my senior manager to participate in it.

Soon, after I entered the metro station, I realized it was not a good choice after seeing the crowd. But there were not much options available either. As soon as I reached the platform, the announcement alerted the Passengers for an incoming train terminating on next station (Qutub Metro Station). There was again a huge crowd that un-boarded that train to catch the next train to Gurgaon. This extra load of passengers was suffocating and worrying me. I decided to move towards last coaches as there were relatively lesser people towards end.

The train came in and halted, and the crowd struggled hard to fit in the already over-crowded metro coaches. I was already running late, and could not afford any more delays so I was mentally prepared for this kind of struggle. Somehow, I was able to step inside (actually the people standing behind me pushed me in so it was not my effort at all). Since I was standing on the front row, I was lucky to get inside the coach but the people behind me had no option except to wait for next train.

The train started moving with a jerk, but the inside, it was so densely packed that even a powerful earthquake would not make anyone fall. There was no space at all. It took me 5 minutes to adjust and make space for myself so that I could stand in a civilized, human-like pose and balance myself.

To my left, there was this another guy, with a lean body built. We were facing opposite sides of coach (so basically could see each other face to face). He asked me to put my backpack down to make it easier for him and more room for fellow passengers. I was hanging my back on same side where he was standing so it might be causing a problem to him. I accepted his suggestion. Now I was holding my bag in left hand and was holding the handle on the roof of the coach from second hand.

The train was jam-packed, no doubt. There was no room, no doubt. People were standing very close to each other almost embracing the person opposite to them, and the distance between them was so negligible that you could not tell if they were just about to kiss each other or was it a result of jerks due to metro movements that was making it happen. So everyone was standing in a pose to avoid a face to face position with next person to avoid further embarrassments.

After a few people behind me exchanged their positions, to let the person reach the front door of coach who wanted to get down at next station, I felt that the new person behind me was in extreme proximity to my body. His whole body (his front side) was directly touching almost every inch of my whole body (my backside). Initially I though, it was because of my fears and reservations that made me think this way. I tried to make myself understand the lack of availability of room and over-crowded coach the reason for this thing and assumed it is normal under these circumstances. But I was wrong. There was no room available to me to move. Initially, the person had relatively lesser contacts with my body, but he did make sure that whenever there was an opportunity (breaks applied) his body was completely touching mine.

Feeling uncomfortable with this, I tried to incline forward so that I can avoid his body touching mine but it was not practically possible. Slowly, in a couple of minutes, the incidents of his body touching mine was increasing. I felt that  his body  was now in constant touch with my body all the time. There were only times when the train caught speed and that force was trying to create some space between our bodies, when our bodies were separated. He even did not allow it to break apart completely.

My doubts about this turned into a reality when I started feeling frequent thrusts on my hips after a short time. His upper half of the body was now constantly in touch with mine and the only gap that was intermittent, was between his body and my hips. Soon, this gap was also eliminated as I now felt more frequent thrusts on my hips from his body every few seconds. But whenever there was any opportunity in the form of breaks or slow-downs in metro speed, he pushed himself harder on me. I could feel that he was standing right behind me exactly covering me in the center of his body. It was very embarrassing, frustrating and frightening situation for me.

After approximately, 10 minutes, when a huge chunk of crowd un-boarded the train, and there was plenty of room, the first thing I did was to move a few steps away to a different position to make a comfortable distance from him. And when I turned back to see who he was, I saw the same lean, young guy who had asked me to take off my bag from my back moving from the position behind me to opposite end of the coach.

I may be wrong in assuming things here, which is highly unlikely. All the logic and arguments fail miserably to explain it to me that he did not do it deliberately. Also, I am unable to understand why he then suddenly moved away if he was not guilty?

I am also disappointed. Is it somewhere written on my face that I am such an stupid easy target? Why me? Do I look abnormal? How did he took such a daring step, in such a crowd, to a 6 feet man? I mean, I was stronger and taller to him physically and he should feel some sort of fear to face dire consequences for his ill doings. It is not just first incident of this type. How could people be so insensitive to others feelings?

It is breaking me down and I am catching a kind of inferiority complex. Do I not look or behave manly? How dare a stranger behave so wrong with me, especially with someone who is physically stronger to him?

I talked to my roomie and told him the incident when he came back from his office in the evening. He first got irritated and abused him furiously. I had hardly seen him ever in such angry mood but this time, I was feeling good on his wrath on that stupid metro guy. It made me feel secured once again.

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After a few moments, he smiled and kissed me on cheek and said, “What could he do my dear, it was not his fault either. You are a master-piece. Please forgive him.”

Now I am thinking what exactly did he mean !… Was it a Sarcastic compliment?

Love is Love – Part 2 (Concluding Part)


It is a little bit uneasy to sleep when someone is touching you or hugging you. One’s  movements disturb the other and also someone’s hugging restricts your own free movements. But slowly, you get habitual to it. You may not sleep well for a couple of nights… but then you are forced by sleep and you are lost! You even don’t know where you are and where your body is. This happened with me too. I had very sensitive sleep pattern earlier. A slightest movement of anyone around me or any feeble noise around me was enough to wake me up till a few days back. But since he started sleeping practice of holding me, hugging me and cuddling with me all the night, I progressed to next advanced phase of sleeping habit. My mind has been trained automatically to ignore all those external nuisances to cover up for the physiological needs.

Usually it was I who used to wake up before him, but now, I am mostly late and wake up after him, all thanks to his daily love making practice in our bed time, and constant hugging etc. Next morning also, I was lost in my dream-world and he was, as usual, sleeping with me, hugging me and holding me as if I am his precious personal property. He does not allow me to be out of his touch even for a single moment all night.

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I was brought back to this world from my dream-land when I felt movements of his hand on my chest. He moved his hand all the way from my belly to my face and started caressing my neck and face. He was trying to wake me up.  I turned my head to him and tried looking at him. With my half open eyes all I could see was his smiling and loving face. He moved towards me and gave me a “Good Morning” kiss.

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And then said, “Let’s get up a bit early today. We have to go somewhere…“.

I did not ask him anything. He has been able to develop that level of understanding between us and root that level of trust in me. It was early in the morning, around 1 hour before our usual daily routine. There was no alarm set, but his way of telling me to get ready was hinting that he had pre-planned it.

After finishing the tea, he said, “Go..!  get ready fast… or we will be getting late to our offices.” After we both were ready with our daily chores, he asked me to get dressed in office attire. He said, “We may probably get late and may not have enough time to come back to room for breakfast. Morning office and school hours see peak traffic chaos. We will take something on the way to office. Pick up your laptop bag.“, and pointed out to my laptop bag that I carry to my office.

It was a pleasant, windy morning. It feels so nice to have an early morning walk or ride. The freshness of air and calmness around you has mesmerizing effects to soothe and heal the inner and outer you.

He started his bike, and offered me the helmet to wear when I sat behind him. After around 35 minutes of drive on Delhi’s roads, he entered a premise of an ancient Hindu Temple. He bought some flowers and other offerings to be served to the deity (the God). I was surprized to see this new shade in his personality. I am also spiritual, and believe in God, but not so orthodox and hard-hitting Bhakt (devotee). It is not that I am not in support of them (I love the supernaturals, mythologies, and delicious sweets and other pious food items consumed during various Pujans (worshipping) and fasts), it is just that it is not in my nature. I had never seen him or heard him involved with these kind of things either.

Hindu-Temple

I was looking at him curiously, and with a mixed feeling of happiness and astonishment, when he took off his helmet, and looked in my eyes, and said, “What????…. don’t be so surprized, I also believe in God.“, and smiled at my reaction.

In no time, we were inside the temple’s main room. There was not much crowd today.  When it was our turn to do the prayers, the Pandit ji (the Priest) went outside to do the necessary preparations for morning Aarti. It was just two of us and another young lad in his school uniform standing inside this chamber of secrets. He probably would be in age group of 16 to 18 years.

Without giving any importance to that student, he (my Roomie) bowed down in front of the sacred deities. I also followed him.  Then he lit the incense sticks and put the coconut, sweets (Bhog-Prasad), flowers, garlands and other offerings he bought from outside to serve the God,  in front of the sacred deities. He then pulled his ears to ask for forgiveness in a pose of “Sorry”.. and uttered his prayer like this..

Dear Lord! I know you don’t need all these rituals. Nor do I. I even don’t know what to do and how to do it but I know you are a very kind heart to accept everything someone brings for you. My Lord, all I want is your blessings for both of us. You are omnipresent, omniscient, and no one needs to tell anything to you. Nothing is hidden from you and you know what is in our minds and our hearts.

He held my hands in his hands and then continued, “My dear Lord! You know how much I love him and that I have devoted all my life to him and only him. I whole heartily accept him my life partner, and my love, for rest of my life in your presence and evidence. My whole life is now for him and only him.  Please give me strength to fulfill my promises to him, and stay committed to him. Please give me your blessings to be his strength always, and that I do not ever hurt him or his feelings, knowingly or unknowingly.” With this his voice started trembling, and I saw tears rolling out of his eyes.

He continued in same state of trance, “O my dear loving Lord! You are the only family I have. Now you have blessed me with this precious gift (he moved our hands close to his heart). This shows how much you care for your beloved children. You love your children very much and are always standing with them no matter how sinful and un-obliged they are. You never count on their sins. Please shower your choicest blessings on both of us and give me the strength to stay honest to us and fulfill my commitments to him. Give me the strength to become his strength whenever he is weak and stand with him wherever he needs me.

After this, there was a silence. He closed his eyes in same pose, with my hands in his hands and close to his heart. I was still looking at his face, where continuous streams of tears were rolling from both his eyes. I did not know that this jovial, fun-filled, macho man could ever be so emotional too. It was a direct communication between him and his only family. It was all coming directly from bottom of his heart, with his true feelings, and desires.

I looked around, a bit concerned, and found that lad standing still, in a Namaskaar pose to God, and looking at us with a mixture of compassion and wonder. His facial expressions were, soft, merciful, and his eyes were little Watery. His expressions were kind, and were also reflecting a kind of support to my roomie’s emotions. When he noticed me looking at him, he gave me a little smile, wiped his eyes, turned away and left the chamber with his school-bag on his back.

I pulled my one hand from his grip and hugged him tight in my arm. I wiped off his tears with second hand and said, “It’s okay darling” slowly in his ears. By that time Pandit ji also entered in the chamber. He looked at my roomie surprisingly, and asked “What happend?“. I replied to Pandit ji, “Nothing much! It’s a ‘family‘ matter.

My roomie opened his eyes after hearing my reply to Pandit ji, smiled back and wiped off his tears. I held his one hand in my hand and gave him my handkerchief from the other hand to clean his face. Now we were both standing in front of “our Family”  and Pandit Ji started the Aarti.

After Aarti other rituals were completed by the Pandit ji, and he offered us both some Prasad, and gave the Ashirvachan (blessings) , “May the Almighty keep you both always happy and healthy. God bless both of you.

While coming back, I was feeling a bit heavy psychologically and emotionally too. He had shed a big load from me by answering most of my queries asked last night. Now, there was a clear assurance, a promise, and a commitment for loyalty for the whole life from him.

The heaviness in my thoughts was not because of him. It was me causing this heaviness. I was feeling of being unfair to him. He was clear in his mind and thoughts. He was committed to me, unconditionally. I was not. It was not that I did not love him, but it was rather a dubious battle for me.

His sentence from last night was echoing in my mind regularly, in particular, the statement about controlling his sex needs.

“….That’s why I could not proceed further last night even though I was sexually aroused, super horny and needed much more to satisfy my sexual needs. You can understand you are much more important for me than any other thing…. “.

All of us have experienced the forces of sex and desires that drive us crazy. I understand it very well that when we are in full swing, with all the hormones pumping our body parts and  severely impacting our discretionary capabilities , and when we are so close to climax, with that one thing / body / person available to us for which we have been longing throughout our life, how tough is it to control your own desires at that moment?

I was also feeling bad because I now understood what pain he would be suffering through when I repeatedly blamed him unknowingly for being non-committed in future. Now I was able to understand his pain, all because of me, and interpret correctly his statements from last night when he said,

It hurts to me, but it is not your fault either. You still could not understand my love for you. I can never imagine anyone except you in my life.

All the way, we were both silent. I broke that silent, and said, “I will not go office today. Please drop me at XXXXX stop from there I will catch the Metro or the Bus to home.

Why? What happened?“, he asked.

Nothing serious. I just want to take some rest. Could not finish my sleep tonight, feeling sleepy.”, I replied. I knew, it was a lie. But I was really not in position to resume my work either. The hurricane of thoughts in my mind was making me feel very guilty, ugly and uncomfortable. I had been a culprit to hurt his feelings, his love, and restrict him from enjoying his life for so long.

I’ll drop you home then.” He said, and turned the bike on the way to our home.

Love is Love – Part 1


This incident is a bit old.. and untold, but worth mentioning it here so I decided to add it today.

After his wild and dominating display of love and affection during my bath time, I was literally scared of his new and unknown “Avataar”. That’s why I asked him next day why he behaved this way with me? He listened to me patiently and then replied. He was very calm, and clear. Initially I was upset with his response, but later my introspection made me realize, he was not wrong. This incident falls in the timeline after this discussion with him.

His reply kept my mind occupied whole day. That night, I once again started this topic with him. I was unsure of where “our” life is moving us?  What is “our” future etc.?

I like one more thing about him that he is a good listener. He pays attention to what I am talking to him. Although at times, he may appear to be in light mood and it may look like he is taking things lightly but actually he pays attention to all the concerns with due diligence. I am sure he would be very popular among his colleagues and they would really be very happy to work with such a fun-filled and jovial person.

That night, I was already in my bed when he joined me on the other side of bed. He slowly drifted towards me and started playing with my earlobe and then started moving his finger on my cheek. He usually starts with soft and sensual touch, which is extremely effective, at least to me. It gave me a tickling sensation.

sensual-touch

He had been gradually and continually cultivating a new “understanding” between us. I was also not that much restrictive to him now, as I used to be some time back. I stopped objecting him on his every intimate touch to my body or cuddling with me.  He kept on increasing this on a steady pace till I accepted it whole-heartily as a normal routine of our life. Not even a single day passed when he allowed me to stay away from him. I got so used-to him being around me, specially during night, that it felt abnormal and uneasy to sleep if he is not hugging me or cuddling with me. He successfully managed to secure an indispensable place in my life, physically.

I did not respond back and flipped down. He moved on top of me and started licking my ear. His body was touching mine, from thighs to thighs, and his chest resting on my back. I could clearly feel his semi-hard crotch pressing against my hips with intermittent slow movements in that area. That made me smile at his presence of mind and naughtiness. It also evaporated the rage I was carrying for him for being so forceful to me last night. He always discovers new styles, which are hardly repeated ever. It not only keeps me intrigued in guessing what is going to happen next, but also makes it all a curious and fun activity.

tickling

 “Okay ! Stop it.“, I said with a smile while trying to flip myself on the bed. He got off my back and as soon as I turned upside he once again got on top of me, hugged me tightly and started kissing on my neck. I cannot tolerate tickling, and he knew it. Finally, I had to surrender to him, “Okay.. okay.. please stop it now“, I requested him out of bursts of laughter due to tickling sensation from his kisses.

tickling

When he saw, it is more than enough for me to handle and when he was satisfied, he got down. In a few moments, when I turned to him to talk, he hugged me tight and kept his lips on my chest. I was feeling his warm breath on my chest and his wet lips exploring my chest intermittently.

 love

 “I’m sorry!….     for yesterday.“, he said in a soft tone, still covering me in his arms. I also covered him between my arm and chest. It was a token of my acceptance.

Have you ever given it a serious thought… where are we heading to? What is our future?… I mean… you know I am not even comfortable with sexual advances between us and typically may never be comfortable with anal sex specifically. Do you think we can still maintain a healthy and happy relationship between us? What are your plans for our future… I mean, what will happen when I have to go back after 10 months to finish my studies and then probably we need to get separated for ever as we don’t know where our jobs will lead us to?“, I asked him. His kissing sequence paused when I started my chain of questions, but he was still hugging me in same pose.

He did not say a word. I wanted to get more of my queries answered and assurance. I asked him again, “I had already told you in the very beginning that I don’t like you the way you like me. I agree, that probably is not completely true now, but I still don’t feel the same way all the time. Specially, I am not sure if we will be able to satisfy each other sexually. It will not be acceptable to me if anyone of us has to look outside for our sexual needs. And then, on top of that, I am still not sure of my sexual orientation yet. I don’t know if I will be able to maintain that level of commitment in our relationship.

When I finished, I just felt one more time his lips on my chest. There was still no answer to my queries. His lips were sticking to my chest at same point yet. Slowly, he moved his lips away, and I heard his soft voice reflecting from my chest. “I am very clear on my mind what I want. I just want you, dear. I have confirmed you many times, it is my feeling for you. You have no obligations to me.“,  He said.

He continued after a small pause, “Did I ever demand anything from you or put any restrictions on you? I know what I want and what I am doing. It is altogether a different story whether or not it is in my fate. You are not involved in it. You are free always to enjoy your life the way you want it or your parents want you to do. I am happy in seeing you happy. I assure you I won’t ever bother you in that case.

There was a silence between us for a while. After some time, he kissed once again on my chest and came even closer to me and hugged me tightly and said, “Now, free your mind of all tensions, and relax. I will do as you want me to do. Have I ever done anything that might hurt you or go totally against your will?  I have always respected your will and your preferences over and above my needs and satisfaction. That’s why I could not proceed further last night even though I was sexually aroused, super horny and needed much more to satisfy my sexual needs. You can understand you are much more important for me than any other thing. It only needs a discharge and a hole..that can be done in grip of my hands too. There are other ways around to satisfy my sexual needs with in my limits but there is no way to see you unhappy. It hurts to me, but it is not your fault either. You still could not understand my love for you. I can never imagine anyone except you in my life.

Now, let us sleep, if you please allow me Sire ! we have to get up early in morning.“, he said and hugged me tightly once again. I could feel his chuckle and grinning smile with his lips once again touching my chest.

(Stay tuned for Concluding Part…)