Unconsciously Yours


Continued from … The Tsunami Effects

When Sumit stopped talking, there was a silence for a moment from both the sides. Sumit was not crying loudly, but his stumbling tone at the end made Shashwat suspicious. He heard Shashwat replying in his deep voice, “Excuse me! Am I missing something here? I believe we had decided to meet at 11:30 AM.”

Sumit was a bit surprised on Shashwat telling him that he did not promise to meet today morning. But now, he was not agitated. The calm mind gives a chance to be unbiased. He remembered the whole scene when it happened yesterday. In fact, Shashwat was right. He had not made any commitment for meeting except at 11:30AM. Although, he did push him through to continue his exercise routine now onwards. We, mostly do not listen to people attentively. We mostly tend to conclude what we want to hear. Listening is an art a very limited people know. Most of us just jump to conclusions on our own.

Sumit was doing all this analysis in his mind. He had no words coming out. Shashwat broke the silence again and said, “It’s good that you have decided to regularize your exercise routine. You are back on the field the very next day on your own . That’s amazing! Very limited people are that sincere when it comes to exercise and healthy lifestyle. But seriously !… don’t you think 5:30 am was too early? I would rather suggest to go slow and continue it. One day’s over-excitement may kill the long term goal.”

Sumit was still speechless. “Hello.. are you there?”, asked Shashwat, when complete silence from other side made him suspicious of loosing the connection.

“hmm.. Y..ea…h !.. I’m here”, replied Sumit in low and polite tone. His changed tone was reflecting change in his attitude, which was affirmative.

“Good. Well, I apologize if somehow my words caused any confusion to you, but you know, it was not my intention at all. It was not practically feasible for me to visit that side for exercise today. You know of the terrible traffic jam on MB Road in your area. Right? …….Had I been there, it would not have been possible for me to make it by 11:30 then.”, He paused for a moment, and then continued, “And you know what….? I always keep my promises.. at least I try my best, as much as possible at my end. So, keep in mind, 11:30 is still 11:30 for me, Sharp! Be ready by then. OK?”, Shashwat added with a pause. He was loud and clear in highlighting the importance of being punctual, and also the importance of keeping up to his words without any doubt. When the honesty becomes the attitude, it doesn’t need the words to prove it.

“Now… let’s hang up and get ready to finish other important tasks before we catch up at 11:30”, Shashwat added.

“Yeah.. okay!”, replied Sumit and they hung up the call. Sumit was still thinking about what all just did happen. He was puzzled now, what made him cry? He started his bike, and started on the way back to his home thinking about all this.

It hardly took him 10 minutes to reach home. He looked at the clock, and decided to go back to sleep. He was feeling emotional void after all this morning incident. Crying had made him feel loneliness, which was still making him feel the heaviness in his mind. There could have been nothing better to rest all those thoughts and allow the mind to calm down with no thoughts. Sleep was a natural way to let it happen.

There were many thoughts running in his mind before he decided to take a nap. He was struggling to understand why he cried this morning and why he liked Shashwat so much? It was probably one sided feeling, if not the love. He had special feelings for this Guy, Shashwat, but Shashwat didn’t show any signs with similar feelings for him. He was embarrassed with his own feelings for Shashwat, but had no control over it.

“Why do I have a soft corner for him?”, Sumit asked himself. “He is just an ordinary guy!”, he kept analyzing deeper. “He is just interested in returning favor for my good-gesture of giving back his belongings to him… nothing more ! He never hinted otherwise! I should not have kissed him. It’s all my fault. I made myself a fool. What would he be thinking about me? He is so simple, and gentle. He did not say anything to make me feel awkward after I kissed him.”

“It’s all his fault! Why is he so gentle, so adorable? Anyone would fall in love with such a person… so polite, so caring..!… charming !!”, Sumit was now advising himself. He did not want to take the onus of “having a feeling” for Shashwat as his own weakness.

It happens.. ! Our mind is complex. Even more complex are our emotions, which keep driving us crazy sometime. We fall prey for things that we never found “worth a single thought” in regular moments. But we have some reason for all absurdity in our life. There is a definite pattern.

Sumit was a single child. He had a friend circle, but no friends at all since his early childhood. It was not in his nature to beg for allowing him to play with others. His family was restrictive. With frequent job-transfers of his father every couple of years from one city to another, the life was difficult for him. There were many months, in fact, compounding into years of gap, when he missed the love and protection of his father. With such transfers, it was not always feasible to move all family and his father had to move alone to new city with his transfer orders. It was not wise to let Sumit’s academic progress suffer every time with such transfers, especially if it was mid-session.

His childhood, and early adolescent years were spent in misery of loneliness, looking for the love and care every sensitive kid needed. Everyone has a different emotional energy level, and appetite. Sumit had higher needs for emotional bonding, but all he got was a big void. He did not get a chance to revive the friendship if he somehow could make a few good friends. He was now afraid of losing, if he found any friend. It was something he had learned from experiences so far. Whenever he got “a love” in return, it was snatched away from him sooner than later.

He respected others but did not like being bullied, or being proven inferior to anyone just for sake of competition or just to secure his place in new team. He wanted himself to be treated with due respect.

Part of his desires were fulfilled from time to time because he was good in studies. Although he was not a sports guy, but he was good in studies. He was in demand during his academic life, whenever someone needed help, or asked his study-notes, or a help during practical-hour in lab, or asked for a short combined study-session with him before exam time. He knew it that this friendship was only “for a purpose”, and that they were not really a friend who really cared for him, but he couldn’t deny anyone. Why would he? At least, this made him “needed” temporarily and he also got a chance to find the so called “friends”. But such superficial friendship, never quenched his inner thirst for a close-friend, A friend, more like a brother, or even more than his family.

Meeting Shashwat was altogether a different scene. It was the situation where someone appreciated him, without needing any favors in return. He was given due respect, was made to feel important again and again, was accepted with gratitude and politeness and was also “in demand” … just for no obvious reasons. According to him, returning Shashwat’s belongings, which he accidentally got during Metro ride, was his duty. In any case, these things were of no use to him.

Sumit was amazed how Shashwat was so thankful to him. His politeness, his smiling face, his paying attention to every small silly things Sumit did, and caring nature all combined together were something that Sumit had been longing to find since childhood. His desires to find a true friend, a loving friend, had gradually merged into a single virtual personality in his growing up years of adolescence. If not many, he at least deserved one such “loving and caring” soul in his life. Adolescent added a little spicy flavor of finding sexual attraction in his “Love”. These sexual fantasies with his virtual friend had given him an assurance of long-life of his bonding with friend. A relationship that had surpassed the body-level intimacy and had entered deeper at soul level. The bonding, which was exclusive (he believed in having sex only with one- strictly monogamous, so did his virtual friend) unparalleled rights over his friend. Shashwat was a perfect match to fit into the vacancy of this virtual friend to make it real, and it all happened unconsciously. Our sub-conscious mind is very powerful thing. The “love”, Sumit had been waiting for years, and was registered in his subconscious mind as a virtual identity, was now a real thing, in real world, known as Shashwat. How could Sumit not fall for him now?

Sumit was unconsciously yours, Shashwat! for an eternal life! It was bound to happen. How could you not know it?

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The Handshake


Sumit reached Nehru Place with his friend, one of the Asia’s biggest electronics and electronics spare parts market a few hours before the scheduled time. Both did some shopping, and then enjoyed their meals in a local restaurant. Having finished their meals, and shopping, his friend left for his home. Sumit checked the time in his watch, and it was 3:40 PM, just about the right time for their planned meeting. 

After his friend left, he dialed Shashwat’s number. He himself wanted to hand him over all his belongings and quickly leave for his home.

Shashwat picked up the call as if he was just waiting for it. He confirmed Sumit meeting in next 15 minutes at the designated location at Nehru Place. It was just outside the restaurant where he finished his lunch.

Sumit was waiting for Shashwat to arrive patiently. It was hardly 10 minutes when Sumit’s phone buzzed. It was Shashwat on the other side. Sumit was about to pick up the call when he saw a charming personality waiving in his direction from a distance. The man was in Red and White attire,  as bright and shiny as the untouched snow garnished with Rose petals. The color combination was a little bold but was suiting him. He was looking fabulous and divine in this attire, which was sufficient to pull the attention and keep the people spell bound for a moment whoever glanced at him.  Sumit answered the call received on his mobile.

“Hi ! I just reached here”, said the other side.

“Hi!”, replied Sumit. In the mean time, he noticed that the man in Red and White attire, waving at him was none other than Shashwat. He just couldn’t believe his eyes. He was looking much younger and attractive in a tight-fit, round neck T-shirt. His slightly toned biceps, flat broad chest and shoulders were a clear indication that he must have been regular at  gym earlier.

“Is that you in blue denim and white T-Shirt?”, asked Shashwat. “I am wearing Red T-shirt and waving at your side”,  he confirmed his identity.

“Yes, that’s me.”, Confirmed Sumit while waving back at Shashwat. By this time, Shashwat had already reached Sumit. Both shook hands.  He was an ordinary looking north Indian man, but his simplicity was his best strength that added to his charm. Shashwat’s eyes and smile were very welcoming, full of tender of love and friendliness.  Sumit kept glaring at him. It was hard to control his urge to keep looking at this handsome hunk with an attractive smile. He knew he won’t get another chance after this and this was making it irresistible.

That staring made Shashwat a little uncomfortable. He coughed deliberately to politely hint Sumit about his act of staring at his face for a prolonged period. It was sufficient for Sumit to notice the hint.

“Here you are….!”, said Sumit, while taking out the items from his bag and handing over to Shashwat. “Please verify that it covers everything”, added Sumit.

Shashwat just focused primarily on the USB pen drive as if it was the only thing that mattered to him, and then graciously thanked Sumit for his kind act. He cleared his right hand by moving all items he was holding to his left hand, took Sumit’s right hand in his right hand, and said, “This (pointing the USB pen drive) is all what mattered to me ! I am really obliged for your kindness”.

Sumit who was listening to Shashwat more from his eyes than the ears, felt an urge to dive deep in those beautiful eyes and surrender. The eyes, which were full of all unspoken assurances one may seek. These were mesmerizing. His ears lost the words what Shashwat’s beautiful moving lips were singing with a smile intermittently. He felt the touch of Shashwat’s hand on his hand so comforting, that he held it firmly as he didn’t want to let it go and covered it between his both hands. It was magical. It was not  physical. It can’t be. Both kept holding each other’s hands for a long time. 

Shashwat was still talking something but Sumit was unable to hear anything. Little did Sumit realize that his thumb had already started exploring and caressing the Shashwat’s hand held in his grip.  There was no apparent reaction from Shashwat. Or may be there was, but Sumit could not notice it as he was on a different level, unable to hear or understand anything. He was just a consolidated feeling.

“Are you with me?”, heard Sumit when Shashwat tightened his grip on Sumit’s hand to draw his attention.  Open eyes cannot fake the presence of mind for long.

“Yeah… yeah.. ! I am …”,  replied Sumit awkwardly as if he was caught red-handed.

“Let’s go inside and see what’s in the menu today.”,  Shashwat said and started moving towards the restaurant outside which they had decided to meet.

“Umm… !  eh… ! I am sorry Sir, but I just finished my lunch before I called you.”, replied Sumit. Now he realized what his thumb was doing with Shashwat’s hand without his attention. He felt embarrassed for it, “What will he think of me?”, he asked to himself, and his face turned red with embarrassment thinking about his perceived personality by this gentleman.  He gently relieved his grip on Shashwat’s hand and tried to pull it out but Shashwat did not let it go.

“It’s okay, we can have some snacks or sweets.  Deserts are always served at the end, isn’t it?”, said Shashwat with a wink. “You should at least, give me a chance to thank you properly”,  Shashwat added.

“Sir, you don’t need to thank me for anything. It was my duty to handover your belongings to you.”, Sumit replied and then added, “I have some urgent work to do and have given time to meet someone in half an hour, so I need to leave now.”

“That’s not fair ! You have to be a little considerate on my part. I should be given a chance.”, Shashwat was not happy, anyone could easily make it out from his expressions. “And, by the way, my name is Shashwat, not ‘Sir!’. Please call me by my name.”, he emphasized. Shashwat was still holding his hand.

Shashwat waited for a few moments but when he did not get any reply, he suggested, “Let’s do one thing. We can plan for next weekend. You can join me for a lunch and a movie show coming Sunday. Do you like watching movies?”

“Yes, I do. But it’s not really necessary. “, Sumit replied. 

“Then it’s done. I shall give you a call on Thursday to finalize the program and your availability”, confirmed Shashwat. He was looking fabulous with a smile again on his face. Sumit nodded in agreement. “And one more thing, it was a pleasure meeting you today. Have a nice evening”, Shashwat complimented and released Sumit’s hand.

“See you next week then… bye!”,  Shashwat said and started moving to the same direction from where he came, waving at Sumit a “good bye”.  Sumit kept looking at Shashwat with mixed emotions and confused state of mind, which reflected from his face clearly. 

A & R (Part-9: Practical vs Platonic Love)


Ritvik was deeply “touched” with caring and sensitive nature of his new roommate “Aniket”. Both of them enjoyed the dinner together. It was their first night stay together and a suitable time for them to know each other better.

Aniket noticed, Ritvik was blessed with a pleasant personality. He was simple yet stylish, attractive, soft-spoken but a bit shy. He did not talk much. Aniket had to throw the random topics to continue the conversations and have a lively session between them. Ritvik’s answers were short and precise.  He guessed it correctly, and got his idea confirmed during chit-chat with Ritvik that it was a very new experience for Ritvik. It was for the very first time that he had moved out of his parents house and was a little afraid of being all alone.

Aniket found that there was still a child full of innocence, emotions and simplicity somewhere hidden behind the young, tall, attractive lad who became his new roommate. This simplicity and childish innocence added a feel of sanctity and trust to his personality, and who would not fall for a lovely innocent kid captured in an attractive body of young teen? It was hard to defy the power of his charm which directly touched the heart and soul of most of the people. Human souls are prone to fall for such things which are pure, simple and pleasant. It was a hidden charm in his personality that touched everyone who came in contact of Ritvik and made them fall for him unknowingly.

Days passed, and both started liking each other. For Ritvik, his roommate Aniket was among one of his good friends now. Ritvik used to be the center of attraction among his friends and got special “priority” treatment all the time since his childhood. He was good in studies, with down-to-earth nature, friendly and cooperative. No doubt, his physical beauty was among one of the reasons to attract more and more people to him, but it was his basic nature that made most of them admire him and fall in love with him eventually. “To Love” was his nature. After moving to this city, all alone, he was terribly missing his friends. It was one of his worrisome fears to survive in a new place without his friends. His bouquet of friends was no less than a treasure to him. Being an emotional guy, he used to easily connect with people at emotional levels and loving them was a channel to allow free-flow of his emotional energy. Now, Aniket was filling up this void for him.  They both needed each other. For Ritvik, it was a need of a friend but for Aniket, Ritvik was becoming much more than just a “friend”.  The need to “find a little more” disappeared from Aniket’s life after meeting Ritvik. Now, there was no “more”, it was just “Ritvik”.

Aniket’s bonding with Ritvik was growing stronger day by day and within a week, he found it hard to keep his secret feelings from his love of life. He felt compelled to open up his heart and surrender to Ritvik.  Where there is honesty, in and out, nothing matters more than the truth and self-acceptance. It appeared as a crime to him to keep Ritvik in dark or to not to be honest with him about his feelings now. He was afraid of losing him as it would mean ending his life but love itself is “giving up”. It makes you learn to give up yourself, your happiness, your desires for happiness of your lover. Aniket realized how important was it to be honest in relationships and the very nature of Ritvik as also loudly about “the values” he believed in. It was becoming mandatory for Aniket to be honest about his feelings for Ritvik and not to keep him in dark. He got a chance to confess his love for Ritvik on his birthday and in very straight-forward and honest way, he expressed his feelings to him.

Although for Ritvik, he was just a “good” friend, but for Aniket, it was a different story. He needed “exclusive” rights over Ritivk.  He was becoming more and more possessive of Ritvik day by day. He many times felt the situation going out of his control and was felt insecure about his position. For Ritvik, it was just losing one of his friends at the worst case. For Aniket, it was losing everything in his life.

Aniket tried to control the impossible thing, his impulse to have physical intimacy and sex with Ritvik but failed miserably. Ritvik wanted it to be a platonic one. Here the frequencies of the two were not matching, which caused a lots of drifts and issues initially.  But slowly they both started understanding each other and changed their assumptions with time to settle down in a more soothing and enjoyable relationship. With the time, the reluctance was replaced with acceptance, the “I” was replaced with “we” and “me” was replaced with “You”, or “us” as applicable. This change happened from both the sides.  This helped them overcome the sourness of their relationship and they started feeling in love with each other.

Small and big incidents in life make the life turn into various shades but these also let you realize the value of the things which you don’t realize otherwise.  Within 6 months of their stay together, they both were lucky to realize the value of the loving partner in their lives. They were now unable to live without each-other. A new chapter of happiness was unfolding in their lives, but there was lot more to come.

 

 

 

The Decision


Sometimes, we are stuck in a quick-sand of thoughts. Our beliefs, our principles and our assumptions keep us pulling down. More we try to escape it, deeper we dive in. We get so tightly captured in this quick-sand that it becomes almost impossible to come out of it on our own. We need an “external source” to pull us out. A Source, which is free from the forces holding us down.

My Roomie had also assured me a couple of times, of loyal and life long commitment, but somehow I could not truly trust him on this. His words touched me, but they could not give me courage to move forward. I guess, hearing too much of break-up news among gays/sad stories of such relationships/sex and only sex oriented relationships in homosexuals was a primary reason to make me vary of it.

Luckily, I am blessed to have a few online friends, some of them are following my this eDiary, who shared their frank opinions about me, and my perspective towards life. Their words gave me that assurance and trust which was missing so far. I believed, it was based upon their life-experiences which was weighing in their words. Their opinion and suggestions worked as an “external source” and a life-line for me to pull me out of quick-sand of my thoughts.

That night I could not sleep. This was not only the Naked Truth which made me restless. There was another reason too. There was no touching or embracing from my Roomie after he returned from my home. He had lost the hopes of “us” being together and as did not want to any un-moral things to me who was supposedly going to marry someone else. He relinquished “his rights” on me for my to-be life partner.

I was trying to sleep on side pose, facing opposite to my roomie. “Why could he not be my life-partner?”, thought flashed as Lightning bolt in my mind. “Why?”

I turned back to him. He was also lying in side pose, opposite to me. I moved close to him to have a closer look on his face. I noticed for the first time in my life that it was the most beautiful and innocent face in front of me. Cute too. His eyes were closed. The tender of emotions hiding behind this face started flowing through me. I started feeling his grief on losing his love for someone else, his helplessness and his inability to win his love and his pain when he was unable in securing his position besides a sincere and honest effort. His all attempts were proven in vain and had no result so far (at least from his perspective) and there were no hopes left for future. I felt all this as if I was him and he was I. It was really a heart-wrenching emotional turmoil.

I felt a strong urge to hold him in my arms. It was not out of any act of mercy. It was because it was his right as my life partner. Had he not been a man (same sex), what else could I better get in a person as a life partner? He had already accepted me and sworn in to be committed and loyal to me as my life partner, and devoted his life in my name in the temple, in presence of the Almighty.

I embraced him softly and grabbed his hand in my hand. There was no response from his side. I remembered the God, and my Parents, and asked for their blessings for “us” and our lives, and then kissed softly on his cheek and then whispered in his ear…

embrace

“With the grace of Almighty, I accept you as my spouse. Do you accept me, my love?”.

There was no movement from him for a couple of seconds, and then he opened his eyes, and slightly turned his face toward me in sheer disbelief, as if he was trying to ascertain that the unbelievable thing he just heard was not part of his dream.

I gave him a gentle kiss on his cheek as he turned his head to me. As soon as my lips touched his cheek, the same confident, the bright smile returned on his cute face, making it look more attractive.

kiss

He came on top of me, and shouted in a surprised tone, “Really?”. I was seeing this happiness on his face after a long gap, which had permanently disappeared after my Mom had hinted him about her plans for my marriage during our visit to my Home.

really

I hugged him tightly, and asked him again, “Do you accept me as your life partner and spouse? Will you be mine for ever?”

He looked into my eyes for a moment. His eyes were shining, just like his glorious face. And then he kissed me on lips passionately, and said, “Yes, for ever.”, and then we embraced each other, and I heard him saying, “This is ALL I wanted in my life. You gave me a life.”.

embraced

His voice was trembling, probably because of overflow of emotions which he was trying to control for a long time. Probably, his fasting for the Karwa Chauth had been effective and fruitful to his beliefs.

I had to make a decision and was required to take a bold step in my life. I was confused. I was nervous. I was scared, and was unable to come to this decision on my own.

I am now feeling happy that I made the correct choice, thanks to support of my online friends and readers of my eDiary. One of the valuable piece of advice is from Vaghun is given below.

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First Crush (Part-5: Friendship Grows Deeper)


(Continued from previous post with same Title..)

Slowly, with more and more interactions, we were able to understand each other better. There were many common things between us, such as similar likes and dislikes, similar perspective of looking at things, inclination towards logical and rational thinking etc. But there were many contradictions too. Opposites attract. That was applicable between us too.

She was bold, jovial, fun-filled, and believed in fully enjoying every moment of life in present, without worrying too much about future or living in the past. We could find excuses that she did not need to worry about finances to manage her life that’s why she was happy. But that’s so not true. Everyone has problems in life.

She was least bothered about restrictions imposed by society, family or cultures. In her opinion, if your heart feels something is good, you must do it with all your heart and soul without worrying about “What others may say?”.

All these and many more things were there which attracted me to her. I learned a new definition of life and also learned the better way of living it. It did not mean that we should overrule our culture or social values just for sake of being “Modern” and liberal minded. It would be wrong. It only meant that we should make informed and rational decisions after proper analysis. We should give it a thought with an open mind to see if what we were going to do was still relevant in current context. It means that we should give due consideration to see if our action is somehow not going to adversely affect someone else, before we jump to a conclusion or act on it. We need to be “alert” and “awake”.

She only made me understand what exactly is the meaning of gender-equality in practical terms. I was falling for her. I respected her. Although, for most of the people in college campus, she was still a “Bitch” who knew some sort of black magic too as she succeeded in winning over the most  decent, typical and reserved guy – Me, who was too shy initially with Girls.

Slowly, she also started spending more and more time with me, instead of other guys in her group. She “reserved” her rights over the seat immediately next to me in every class in a couple of days after we met. Slowly, we were to be seen together all around the day, whether it was library hour, free time, lunch time or computer labs. She was confirmed to be with me, wherever I was. It was her voluntary act and I never objected it. I actually started feeling good to be in her company. For rest of the world, we were “couple”.

study

We were mostly occupied with our gang of buddies and I was cautious of not to give her any preference or special treatment over and above others in our group. She was mature enough and understood it “why?”, and actually was quite supportive in this context except for allowing anyone else to claim her seat (next to me), which she never allowed in those two years when we were together.

the-gang

There was another problem, which surfaced gradually with time. Although she never created a scene for this thing but most of the buddies in our gang noticed that she was becoming possessive for me, day by day, and felt uncomfortable or behaved rudely with others whenever someone touched me or hugged me. Initially she used to deal it diplomatically by interrupting in between me and other person but her abnormal behavior was soon noticed.

students-hug

In a few exceptional cases, when we had to part away for a reasonably longer period of time, she would come to me without worrying about where I was or who all were accompanying me. In one such silly event, she followed me to boys’ rest room. It created a great chaos and a huge tantrum among many “sections” of school-administration. Not to mention, she made the news-headlines for the un-published version of school news bulletin for couple of weeks, and was among the top trending topics for gossips among all students and teachers. Thanks to her bold act, now everyone knew about “us” in a far better way. That day I realized how stubborn and daring she could be.

My Gosh ! She really was daring…did not sound normal to me  !“,  interrupted my roomie with this comment, looking at my face for a reaction. And then he continued, “Or, probably, your charm made her do so…“, and winked with a big smile on his face.

He asked me again, “From what you have described, it does not sound that you liked her the way she liked you.  Right?“.

Well…. it’s not completely true. I also liked her company a lot. Every person has a different level of maturity at emotional and physical fronts and different needs, which give a feeling of satisfaction. Only Physical aspects were never my cup of tea. I would appreciate outer-beauty, but only physical beauty might not be sufficient to keep me tied to a person for long unless I am also emotionally attached to that person.“, I replied to my roomie and then continued the story as following.

We were soon very close friends. But she was still a mystery for me. She always used to do something totally unexpected. Her nature kept me curious all the time and constantly maintained my interests in her. We had a small group of guys and girls, who were now close friends, and most of them had now accepted her in our group and were okay with her joining our group. They were also able to see her real beauty and appreciated it. Whereas for some of them, she was just okay because I liked her. People started telling us that we both were changing, in a good sense of “Change”. They started complimenting her for a better change with virtues like “Politeness, Sensitivity to others, being Humane, Helpful and Kind”, and me for “being more Romantic, Cheerful, Understanding, Open-minded”  etc. etc. It happens; People who are closely associated with us tend to notice small changes in us even before we notice them.

In due course of time, when we started knowing each-other in a better way, and shared some of our secrets and details of our families, she revealed that she was living in USA for past 12 years and came to India a month before joining this school. Her parents did not want her to live there now and that’s why she came back to India. It was also evident from her accent and style of communication too, which was often a point of teasing her and making fun of her style during her initial days in school among the students of the class.

I also came to know that her Parents had got her admission confirmed in the best 5-Star school of the city, which was the only place for all kids belonging to those super-rich or elite business class families. She attended that school for two days, until she noticed me on the way to her school from her car. I used to ride by bike to my school. Third day she asked her driver to follow me to find out which school I was studying in. And fourth day, she insisted with her parents to get her admission confirmed in my school.

Her parents were initially reluctant to let her join our school which was “below their standards” but later surrendered against her strong resolution to study only in this school. They loved their daughter very much and tried their best to meet all her demands. It was not a problem for a high class business-family with abundant money and sound political relations to get the admission confirmed even after all the seats were full.

Our friendship grew very fast. She also took me to her home and introduced me to her Parents. Typical upper-class family! I knew that I would not be a welcome guest as I was clearly no match to their financial status. I belonged to a different class of society, and even after 70 years of independence, they probably considered themselves the royal blood of Great Victorian Dynasty. Her father was a little bit rude (or I might have felt it for obvious reasons) but her mother was a bit better and a little more affectionate. Mothers are always full of Love. I must admit that there was a huge difference in culture and family values between ours and this upper-class super-rich family. Even a pet in our family gets more attention and care, as a part of family, than they (Parents in this super upper class) give to their kids. No wonder, Shalaka was carried away with kind of love, care and affection she received in our group.

Her home was not less than a mansion in itself, having a separate room (I would rather call them halls) for every member of the family. I had seen those kind of things only in movies. Different types of sub-ordinates (I would not like to call them servants) for different activities in different departments. There was a complete team to serve the dishes at dining table. Different etiquette to be followed for different times of day.

After that visit, I was not interested to go to her home again but I visited her house a few more times when she insisted a lot for different reasons. Although, I did not feel comfortable whenever I visited her house, as I always felt like being an alien in her house, but I agreed to her requests as it was a matter of her happiness.  It would not be appropriate for me to turn it into an ego problem when it was a matter of her happiness.

She also invited the whole gang at her mansion a couple of times when she had thrown a small party for the whole group. She did not do it to show-off  or to impress us with her luxurious life-style and upper high class status. It was a genuine attempt from her to become more friendly and come close to everyone in the gang. She was willing to share with her friends what she was blessed with in real life and others in the group had only seen in movies or fantasies. She also organized a show of the Hollywood movie “Baby’s Day Out” in sound-proof auditorium in her house for us to enjoy.

She left her Mercedes and accompanied me on my bike many times and asked me to drop her to her home. Slowly, her security staff, driver and “others” also understood it that I was a “special” friend for her. Even though I met her mother just twice, but I was not an unfamiliar name for her. Shalaka had already made me famous in her family even before I visited her house for the very first time. I came to know about this when her mother guessed me correctly in our very first meeting without any prior introduction. She was the only child and her mother was a good friend to this growing young lady, so they both kind of shared their girly-talks and secrets. Perhaps, that could be a reason of her being a little more affectionate and kind to me, unlike her husband who always appeared very rude to me.

Anyways, it was always Shalaka, and her happiness, which was important for me, and not her financial status or her family associations. I did not find that level of problems, which could possibly force us to split apart or something which we could not timely address. She was careful about not to hurt my self-respect or not to let the differences in our financial status be a matter or concern between us. She tried her best to be one of us, the gang of buddies, and succeeded quite a lot in her efforts to be a buddy.

First Crush (Part -4: Friendship Begins)


(Continued from  previous part… )

About Me:

I was also at par with her in terms of competition. Although it was a different kind of competition for me. We both were new to this school and culture here, so both were facing similar challenges in some way or other. But I was relatively luckier. Lucky to be blessed with good and supportive friends. Instead of resistance, I received a friendly welcome by most of the class mates and school mates (juniors or seniors) right from the very first day. Perhaps, there was no “diving” financial levels between us as opposed to that Cinderella with Mercedes. Obviously they found me one among them and accepted me whole heartily.

I was among a very few popular guys in the campus, it came to my notice a little later. Why? I had no clue. There were others who were exceptionally brilliant in studies and probably from the same DNA line which belonged to Einstein, and there were others who were master in their respective fields of expertise, be it Music, Games or flattering with girls. I was not match to any of them. On top of that I was “Shy” in talking to girls and not so “talkative” in new groups.

I was just a good student, with excellent academic record, but not a book worm. I was not too much into sports either. I was just an average player, yet everyone wanted me to be in their team in Cricket or Volley Ball or Badminton match. Besides all these negative traits, I was still one of the preferred candidates for friendship. The number of my friends kept on growing exponentially. Most of them, once added to my friends circle, are still my good friends. Yes, I received a few compliments from time to time that sounded like “Cute Smile”, “You don’t have ego problems like XXXX”, “You are warm and friendly”, but I believe it was just to strengthen the bonding / friendship between us, and nothing more.

I was popular in my class too. Not only my teachers, but teachers from other class also knew me by my name. I always received good grades and appreciations from my teachers, since early stage of education. So most of the times, my fellow students used to borrow my notes or asked me for help in explaining a typical problem or a chapter to them. I don’t really know if it was an easy way for them to reach me and get fully devoted and uninterrupted attention or if they really wanted to study something. Now when I see this in context of allegations by my roomie (keeping in mind the physical beauty part), I may weigh it higher on former aspect. I was definitely not the only option left to them. It is not in my nature to deny if someone asks for a help.

The number of girls asking for my help was increasing day by day. Now when I am analyzing it today, I can make a wild guess. I tell you the reason, why? For boys, I was readily available to mix up with them as and when required, and I was surrounded with guys most of the times. They did not need an excuse to reach me. Because of my reservations and conservative  family/culture values, I was not supposed to be seen with girls in isolation often. Same thing was applicable to girls with “decent” families as it was a small city, with not so advanced, liberal and modern life styles. So usually girls used to visit boys in small groups and with a proper excuse to start the chit-chat. No doubts, there were a few exceptional cases. But after that Cinderella entered in our campus, these exceptional cases had grown very fast. Now even the girls from decent families were feeling proud in having 1 to 1 conversation with guys or to hook-up with their so called boy-friends whenever they get time in the campus. You know, it was like flashing a necklace, which read like, “My Boy friend is better than yours, because I deserve better.”

Our First Meeting:

One fine day, I was enjoying a free time having a chit-chat with a small group of friends, both guys and girls, near the play ground when the most notorious guy of our class, Ritwik, also nick-named as Play-boy, patted me on my shoulder from the back. For me, he was also a good friend.

I turned around and saw him smiling, accompanied by Cinderella. I had not seen such a beauty in my whole life. She was really a God’s gift to this universe. I did not get a chance to see her from so close distance earlier. I forgot to blink my eyes and kept staring at her face for a moment. I know it was embarrassing and rude, but I lost myself in her greenish eyes. She winked and shouted “Hi Sexy !”, and moved her hand forward to shake hands. Her loud voice, which was loud enough to be heard at the other  end of the corridor we were sitting in,  brought me back to my senses.

I shook my hand with her. The touch of her smooth and silky skin was something I had never felt before. It was a baby soft skin. Her white teeth were complementing her smiling lips, covered in vibrant bold red color. My eyes could not decide where exactly to stay to enjoy her beauty. Every glimpse of her face, was looking prettier than what my eyes were currently focusing at and at the same time were becoming greedy not to miss the golden opportunity of enjoying rest of the beauty of this Live Goddess. Who knows, if I would ever get another chance for this in my whole life or not. Now I understood why all the guys were mad about her and why they were so sympathizing with her. Now I understood, why all the girl-gangs were feeling so insecure and jealous of her. She was born to control the universe with her beauty.

She was looking more beautiful than she used to appear from distance apart . I could not dare to look down her face as it might be offending her but she definitely made my dick hard. She was looking a fully grown adult with properly shaped tight boobs. Her beauty and cute smiles were enough to make anyone file a mercy petition to this Goddess of Love and beauty.

“Meet my friend, Shalaka. You must be knowing, she also joined our college recently just like you.”, the Play Boy Ritwik gave a brief introduction.

“Oh ! so we have something in common… That’s a great start then.”, said Shalaka with a cute smile on her face. Everyone around me started looking at my face when she finished her last sentence.

“I am glad we met. I also noticed that you are a bit different from others. That’s why I asked Ritwik to introduce me to you.”, She smiled and winked when she finished her last sentence.

“Pleasure is all mine.”, I replied. Everyone, including me, clearly noticed a bright smile on her glorious face after my reply. I don’t know why I said it to her and later I felt embarrassed too when I looked at faces of all my friends who were paying attention to our conversations very closely and were giving mixed reactions through their facial expressions after each statement by her or me.

“From where had you done your previous schooling?”, she continued the talks. I was not sure if she was interested in knowing more details about me or she just wanted to make me more comfortable to open up with her through these talks, but it was sure she was not in a mood to say “See you later” which I was planning on next. I was feeling awkward in talking to her as I was afraid of losing my friends if I paid more attention to her. Boys were happy but girls were clearly very unhappy with her presence around me.

“Well… I was studying at XXXX earlier.”,  I answered.

Her next question was ready, “Where exactly is this…is it in this city or somewhere else?”

What the hell? Was she making fun of me or my financial condition? It was kind of insulting to me. We tend to see the things in the light of our own presumptions. That might not reflect the correct color of things to us. It was a small city and the school I named was one of the renowned schools in the city as it secured highest number of meritorious students, but it catered to academic needs of most of the middle class families. Definitely, it was not meant for kids of Super Rich families. For them, there were a few  5-Star schools in the city. I was disappointed by her question. Suddenly my mind reacted that probably everyone was right in saying that she does not deserve a decent friendship.

She might have noticed my facial expressions after her question, and probably she understood my concerns, and said, “Well… I am asking because I am new to this city too. It is hardly a month since I moved in to this city.”

I instantly realized my mistake, and felt sorry for what all sort of negative thoughts and presumptions I made for her. We tend to do this mistake again and again, still we do not learn. We should learn not react to a situation, rather, we should practice to respond it appropriately. We must learn not to be judgemental about what we hear, see or feel, unless there is a clear and explicit need to do so. I committed this crime of being judgmental and jumping on conclusions, based upon my presumptions and thoughts.

I was wrong, and I could not stand myself unless I ask for apologies from her. It would remind me not to repeat similar mistakes again.

I said, “Please accept my apologies Shalaka, I mis-understood you.” She probably already had an idea what I was talking about but she was generous to let it go. She smiled back and patted me on my shoulders and said, “It’s okay. It happens sometimes. Don’t bother about it too much.” And then she moved her right hand once again to shake hands with me and asked, “Friends?”

I noticed she was not only intelligent, but also sensible to catch the emotions and mature enough to respect the sentiments of others. It is not an easy thing. One can only be affected by other’s pains and sentiments with only purity of mind and heart. It touched me. Her previous image in my mind that was built from various hear-says and feedbacks about her by others, started fading away. I found a totally different person standing in front of me. She was looking an innocent child to me. I happily accepted her friendship offer and took her hand in my hands.

photo_kids_shaking_hands

“Well.. this school is one of renowned schools in the city which delivered highest number of meritorious students. It is situated at XXXXX location around 5 Kilometers from this college.”, I explained her in detail. I wanted to be more courteous to her now to compensate for my mistakes.

By that time, the bell rang and the current session (class) was over. We needed to head to our next class. We all, including Shalaka, started running to the lecture hall where next class was scheduled to grab the seats on the front rows. On the way back to class room, I introduced her to rest of the friends in our group.  Don’t know about others but I was feeling good and was happy to find that she was not that bad of a person as portrayed by others.

studentsrunningtoclass

 (To be continued…)