Thanks for being there with me to discuss my Mann ki Baat. So, let me continue from where I left it yesterday.
I know how blessed I am to find such a loving and caring person in my life who puts me before him for all major and minor decisions in his life. It is reflected through his actions, not words. And when I see myself, unfortunately, I find myself doing injustice to that innocent loving kid who made “his Love” the only mission of his life, i.e. me. Let me give you another example to explain it “How?”.
Today morning, having finished our breakfast and tea, he was getting ready for bath. He had already taken off his clothes and was wrapping his towel on his waist. He was just in his towel preparing himself to go for a bath. No doubt, his beautiful body always has that attraction which may make your eyes stop at him and you definitely would appreciate what you see.
Suddenly, I decided to take bath before him and I knew if I would request him, he would be happy and ask me to join him in the shower but would not allow me to go alone and bathe before him. And that’s exactly I wanted- take shower all alone before him. To take a shower together would again be just a sex-game between us and would consume a lot of our time.
I silently picked up my undie in my hand hiding it from him, and moved to him and started a random conversation to divert his attention while I approached him. He was just about to enter the bathroom so I had to stop him from doing that. What else could have been better to ask him a random question?
As soon as I reached there, I made sure that I stood in between him and the bathroom door and then suddenly pushed him away from the bathroom door and locked myself in. He was agitated, a little upset on this unexpected trick to keep him in dark. His reaction on my pushing him back was “What the Fcuk ! ….what was that… That’s not fair”. He was baffled and felt cheated by me.
He was pushed close to the bed where he had no option except to react on his losing situation with his arms stretched and asking for a justificaiton why did I do that. I locked myself in the bathroom saying, “I shall be back shortly darling”.
Now I realized there was a problem. I did not bring my towel. There was no time to pick up my towel. Further, it might have alerted him with my intentions. And I knew, he would not hand over a towel to me now. So, I had no option just to let my body dry a little and come out in undies. Droplets of water were running freely on my body. These drops cared the least if there was a small piece of cloth called underwear in between. My undie got wet in short time but I had no option.
When I opened the door, he was standing just outside to welcome me. Seeing my body almost wet, he smiled, and then un-wrapped his towel and started drying my body with his towel. While he was pat drying my body with his towel, he was standing in just his undies in front of me. His smooth chest was forcing me to embrace the appealing beauty in my arms. His muscular arms were busy in moving around my body and sometimes covering me in between. But he still refrained from crossing any limits I had imposed. He did not kiss me or embraced me. His this very self-control has made me loose my self control now. Now I started missing his every loving, passionate hugging, embracing, cuddling etc. which were readily available earlier without any demand all the time. I was now habitual of getting that pampering, and love from him.
He bent a little and pulled down my wet undie and dried my genitals. He picked up my penis with his left index finger and thumb and then with the towel in his right hand cleaned and dried my balls and then penis. He got down on his knees and was almost facing my penis. He grabbed the balls and penis in left hand and then inserted his right index finger covered with his towel to the area between anus and balls and gently rubbed it a couple of times to dry it.
It stimulated all my organs and my penis started growing at quick pace. His face was so close to my genitals that it was almost touching it. He was probably smelling it but with my penis coming in full size, it started touching his lips. He did not move away. He did nothing. Now my hard-on penis was pressurisizing his lips. He still did nothing just kept his head at the same place where it was in constant touch with my penis at his lips and his warm breath was directly falling on my penis.
It was more than enough for me to tolerate. His kind attention, boosted my emotional level and I started feeling more and more intensified love for him. I pulled him up, took off his undie to free the giant kidnapped in his undies and grabbed him in my arms.
He too covered me in his muscular arms and we kept hugging each other in same pose for a long time. I closed my eyes and started feeling him around me. He was everywhere, in and out, front and back, left and right. I started feeling myself surrounded by his love and passion in all directions. His heart-beats were racing at high speeds, and so were mine.
After some time, he broke the silence and said, “I want to tell you something.”
He paused after that. Probably he was waiting for my response.
“Hmm… yea.. tell… what’s that.. besides your tight boner pushing my boner away that makes us equal now.. “, I said jokingly with a smile without opening my eyes or moving away from his grip or loosing my grip on him.
He continued, “You know… I love you more than anything else. But I am afriad you may find my request offending, so please don’t be angry with me even if you don’t like it. I have to tell you this because I might not have another chance after a few days to tell you this.”
He was sounding serious. His grip tightened on me. He did not want to let me go. Probably he was expecting it to be my reaction after hearing him. It was tight but comfortable grip.
“Okay baba ! Tell me. I won’t be angry. I too tightened my grip on him. I wanted to assure him of same compassion and love that he has for me.”, and then kissed on his ear near my mouth.
“See… please don’t take it otherwise. I am telling you this because probably this could be my last chance before we are parted away after a few weeks. God knows, if you would ever come back to my life or if I will have to spend rest of my life only with your sweet memories. ….”, There was again a pause after this.
He started massaging my back with his hands without moving away or interrupting the hugging pose, and said in a slow but steady voice, “I am longing for anal sex with you.”
He was straight forward, precise, and to the point. After this there was an uninterrupted silence in the room. He continued caressing my back with his hands doing slow and gentle massage.
His confession was a suprize for me. It caused me a little shock and got my eyes wide open. My grip around him loosened a bit. He sensed it and said, “I know … you might have felt awkward and probably offensive too. And I am not forcing it on you. I have no right to [do that]. I can never force anything against your will. But I could not manage to live without telling you my inner feelings. I am somehow feeling a desperate need to have that intimate bonding between us that will make me fulfilled and content with my only life partner – You.”
He paused for a moment and then continued, “I know it may not be easy for you to think about it. So, I am ready and open for it. You may penetrate me, if you like.”
I was not in a position to say anything. We kept hugging for a couple of moments and then I moved away from him. He probably understood my emotional condition and that is why he did not say a word. Nothing was coming to my mind so I was already silent.
But there are many after thoughts plaguing my mind. And all of the conclusions I draw from the analysis are converging to a single point – “Does he not have a right to share his desires and satisfy his sexual needs?” . He is honest and frank. Should he be suffering and remain unsatisfied just because I don’t like anal sex or not sexually so active as him.
Most of the times, in our companionship, it was relatively very rare when I was aggressive and dominating in sex. Most of the times I allowed him to do whatever he wanted to do. Mostly I am sexually not agitated easily. I don’t get sex drive or sex desire easily. That means, even if I allowed him to proceed in sexual acts with me to satisfy his sexual desires, I played mostly a passive role and most of the time he was doing something to me, without receiving an active response. That kills the enjoyment. But what can I do? I rarely get sexual desires. My sex drive is not so high. When there is no sex drive, it does not interest me or it does not come to my mind “what to do” as an active partner. All I did was to allow him to quench his thirst for sex as a friend. The sex was again mostly foreplay or kissing, smooching and sucking or shagging in recent past.
In short, I mostly kept him “thirsty” and might have left him unsatisfied. In these past 10 months or so, he would hardly have got a chance to be with an active sex partner not more than just a couple of times.
Now when we are almost at the verge of closing this chapter, and he expressed his inner feelings what is my responsibility?
Dear Diary, I have shared all the details with you from time to time. Now you tell me, what is my duty for this friendship and how should I take it forward. Can you?