Snippets from Personal Diary-2

(After the incident Immature and Childish, in continuation to first part published here).

[February 26th]

It has been more than 10 days since we are not talking to each other.

He is trying too hard, in different ways, to make it up but I don’t want to give him an easy rescue. He must be taught a proper lesson this time which he would not forget for a life time and will think twice before nibbling anyone’s nipples again.

Sometimes, when I come back from office, and I see him trying to please me, I feel pity on him. Am I being too hard on him? Was it such a big crime?

For initial two days, and two nights I had made a total cut off between us. I even did not allow him to touch me anytime. Although, I was now habitual of his pampering and cuddling with me before we sleep,  this separation was necessary to define the boundaries now.

It was not only him who could not sleep the first night. I was also feeling a bit un-easiness. There was something missing. That coziness was missing which became a routine when his body embrace my body.  That love and affection, that physical admiration, that compassion was missed which he made me feel every day and every night. But Priya, my new facebook friend had warned me to not to believe such perverts.  She also warned me that he will make all excuses and all stories to cover up the incident but I should be very careful in dealing with these things.

Second night, although it was hard to fall asleep without him, but I still managed to catch some sleep. I was tired and awake for two nights now. It was not that difficult to loose my control over my uneasiness.  But the strange part was that he was unable to sleep. He was also awake for 2 nights since this incident.  Today it was his third night too.

When I woke up @ 3 AM, I noticed him sitting on the other side of the bed, holding his head in his hands and seeing something amid the darkness of the room. Obviously, he was deeply troubled with something and was lost in his thoughts. He was left lonely again. It was a pity. I guess, I knew what could be troubling him.  I knew, I can make him feel calm, and make him fall asleep in a couple of minutes. I knew, he needed a hug from me and assurance. I knew I need to tell him, “Don’t worry ! I am with you.”,  but no, I could not say that to him.

I cannot forgive him, even if I am also missing him. He did a wrong thing and he needs to be taught a lesson.


[March 1st]

He is creative and innovative.

He knows how to grab my attention. It is more than two weeks now since we are not talking except something very important. Actually, it is me who is not talking. He had been trying to talk to me since the next day of that incident.

He had been apologizing in different ways. And now, even I feel like that it is unfair to him.  I am surprised why is he doing it? If I was him, I might not have given that much importance and definitely would not have followed to make up with my friend who is showing such an attitude.

But he is far more compassionate and better human than I am.

[March 5th]

Changing climate, or hormonal changes, don’t know what is it causing me a hard-on since last night. I have been trying my best to settle it down but this stubborn piece of me does not know to sit down calmly once agitated.

He is also probably aware of it too. He is passing smiles since morning seeing glimpses of hard-on popping out of my shorts.  I understand what his mischievous smiles mean.  I feel a bit awkward with the situation. It drains all the energy and draws all the attention to only one part of body when you get a hard-on.  I am unable to focus on anything.

I have been running quite a lot today to the toilet to empty my bladder frequently expecting probably it could help me get rid of tension in my private part. But it did not help. It helps temporarily for a very short period of time.

“He” also enjoying it a lot. He is not leaving a stone unturned today to make me feel miserable without him. As a matter of fact, this hard on and my sexual agitation is making me desperate for him. I really need him badly but I do not want to give him a chance to think that I may need him.

I tried diverting my attention away from my hard-on so that with attention away from it, it slowly comes to normal state, but it could not happen. I also tried sleeping in the after-noon on my stomach so that with pressure of my body, the flow of extra blood circulation may get controlled and my hard-on would slowly dissipate. But it went futile. Rather it got more adamant and I could not sleep even for a second. There was another reason to sleep on my stomach instead of sleeping on my back. I was feeling awkward with a popping out tent and pulsing out movements in my shorts, which were drawing un-due attention of my roomie.

We are not talking to each other. But he does not need to talk to leave his effect on me. His glance over my crotch when he passes by, is enough to draw attention of my sleeping penis.

When  I woke-up after a failed attempt to sleep in the afternoon, I saw him coming out of bathroom wrapped in a towel. His attractive smooth body, fueled the fire igniting my sexual desires which were already quite out of control since last night. His fair, toned flawless body and mesmerizing smile made me plead for his help. He was doing it deliberately. He was exploiting my weakness.

I quickly removed my eyes off his body. His charming body had already left its impact on me and my body parts. He tricked me again. He pulled off his towel wrapped around his waist and started actions of erotic pole dancer, a dance of a gigolo. It had an instant effect on my already hard-on penis to make it super-hard. Although I was not directly looking at him but I was able to notice his movements clearly. After pulling off his towel, he held it between his legs across his body and started dancing in Salman Khan’s style. He was only in his undies.

When I looked back at him, he started the gestures of erotic pole dance and passed me flying kisses and simultaneously pulled his ears and asked for my apologies once again. I could clearly read his lips saying “Sorry !”. His penis was also dancing in full swing with every flexible curly movement of his body. It was not difficult to notice his hard-on from his undies.

Not to mention, he had been innovative in putting the things creatively. His charm worked again and my hard-on was out of my control. His action, style of apology and dancing penis, along with my hard-on brought a wide smile on my lips. He started coming forward toward me, and I instantly moved my eyes away.

I did not want him to come close to me at this highly risky situation. My self-control was on test. All my efforts for last 14 days or so were at stake. All the hard-work I had done to make him learn a lesson and make him realize the severity of his actions was at the risk of loosing its significance with a small mistake from my side.

I have to control myself. I just don’t know how.

(To be continued…)


5 Comments Add yours

  1. piryt says:

    I don’t understand why you want to ‘punish’ him. Of course bite might have been unpleasant but sometimes it’s hard to control actions (especially in a hot intimate moment). You seem to know a bit about challenge of self-control 😉


  2. Anonymous says:

    I thing that you are not really gay. That is why you are responding that way to your partner. You need to rethink your sexuality.


    1. Desi Munda says:

      Dear Anonymous Friend,

      Does revolt to a torturous event like this may make a difference in sexuality? I did not know that. Well, you perhaps rightly figured it out that I might not be gay. But how does it matter? I don’t want to spend my time again in analysis and labeling myself with one of these fancy terms. I am okay with “whatever” I am. He is also okay with what I am, does not matter what “label” is more appropriate to my sexuality. And as a matter of fact, I DO LOVE him, whether or not I am gay or not. The only thing is probably I am not sexually that much active and my sex drive may not be at par with his high levels of sexual needs and sex drive.

      Whether I am gay or not, I have a reason to be angry and revolt when things go out of control and love-making becomes a torture. I am a person with emotions and feelings, and not a dead object. I have a right and a need to be loved as a person and not as a sex object.

      But, I here once again take your feedback in positive note to do further analysis to see if we two really can keep each other happy in long term.

      Thanks for the valuable inputs.



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