Say Something…!

I was sitting in the office and working on my computer system, when my cellphone placed on my desk alerted me. This was the SMS alert tone I had reserved for my Roomie. I checked the message, it read – “I may nt come today 2 pick u up. Pls. manage.” It was 4 PM.

It was for the first time in this 4 months period after that terrifying and torturous incident that he was not coming to pick me up. It was unusual. He had given me strict instructions to wait for him, if he was busy or late, but not to travel alone or on my own. He had been accompanying me everywhere since then and never left me alone when stepping out of home. He did not want to risk my life again. It was a life-threatening situation after the incident. But now, it is an old story, and after more than 4 months, it should not require such high precautionary measures of safety.

I left office as per daily routine and reached home. I unlocked the apartment’s entrance using my keys. When I entered the apartment, I was surprised to see my Roomie resting on the bed, probably asleep.

“Hey Buddy ! You are home”, I asked in a surprise. He was early today, and taking rest. He is usually more active and energetic than I.  It was very unusual to find him passively lying on bed, that’s too at this time of the day. He is not passive even during bed-time when the whole world goes in the dreamland.

There was no response from him. He even did not give any reaction, as if he did not hear me. I went close to him after placing my laptop bag on the table. His eyes were closed. I guess, he was asleep.

I changed my clothes, and went on my side of bed. I was feeling a bit hungry so I had already taken a small bowl of Cornflakes with Milk and Sugar with me. I was feeling concerned for him and when I am in tension, I need something to eat. If there is something sweet, it helps. I took two sips from the bowl and then leaned over him to see how he was doing.

His face was still opposite to me. His eyes were still closed. His love and affection for me made his cute face look more attractive to me. I kept on staring him for a moment. Even I could not notice it, when my lips reached his cheek. It came to my notice that I was kissing him when his breathing pace changed with my kiss.

It alerted me. I made sure that I was kissing him very gently. I did not want to wake him up or disturb him, but I could not help myself from staying closer to him and watch him asleep.  After the kiss, when I got up, I once again looked at his cute and innocent face. I didn’t know what happened to me but I was not feeling satisfied and wanted to keep looking at him and pamper him. But I was afraid, he is sensitive to my touch and probably my smell too. I really did not want to disturb him.

I reverted back to my bed as I was loosing control over myself, and resumed consuming the cornflakes. After finishing it, when I placed the empty bowl on the table and got back to my semi-sitting pose,  I noticed slight movements in my Roomie. He turned his face toward me, opened his eyes momentarily, looked at me for a few moments and then closed his eyes once again.

I asked him, “Hey   ! Is everything alright? How are you feeling now?”. There was no response. I started pampering him and massaging his hair gently. I wanted to know if he was alright. His coming early from office, sleeping at this time, and not coming to pick me up was giving me signals that something might not be right with him. But he did not respond.

I stopped caressing his hair after a while and came back to my semi-sitting pose on my side of bed. If would not be appropriate to keep disturbing him if he was still feeling sleepy. I was busy in thinking all this and trying to figure out the reason of his “changed” behavior today, when he moved again.

He came close to me, and even closer and finally embraced me and kept his head on my lap. His eyes were still closed, and he was silent. His left arm was covering me from back and his right arm and hand was making a closed-grip to hold me locked in between his arms. His head was resting on my right thigh, top of his head was touching my penis and testicles. He was lying on his stomach and his face was toward me, with eyes still closed.

His touch broke my chain of thoughts, and I started caressing his hair again. But I did not ask him anything this time. There was a complete silence between us. I was worried and confused too. I was still trying to figure out what was the reason of this very strange behavior? He was motionless, but his grip around me was tight and rigid.

After some time, he moved his head a little up and kept it on my chest, just on the middle of my chest. His eyes were still closed and face was expression less. Till now I was sitting almost straight, but now I adjusted my pose a little down and bent a little to make it easier for his head to stay on my chest.

I stopped caressing his hair and started pampering him. I collected all my courage and asked him once again, “Are not you feeling hungry? Let’s have something to eat.”. It was now more than an hour and half since I came in and he had not taken anything in my presence. It was our dinner time anyways.

He just unlocked his hands and loosen his grip around me in response to my question, but did not say a word. I also did not want to take the dinner without him. On top of that, his behavior was enough to kill my hunger.

I was wearing the full-sleeve vest (thermal-wear). Around 10 minutes later, he opened his eyes, raised his head a bit above my chest, folded-up my vest to uncover my chest, and then placed his head back on my chest with his right cheek touching my chest, kissed once on the middle of my chest and closed his eyes once again. He tightened his grip once again, locking me in his arms. His grip around me was so tight which reminded me of my childhood, when I used to do it in a similar way to my Mom. I used to do it when I was afraid of loosing contact with her. Whenever she used to go for shopping leaving me behind,  I used to hug her tightly and used to hold her clothes (or whatever part of her came in my grip),  so that no one could separate us. He appeared doing same thing to me today. He did not look at my face while doing all this, nor did he utter a single word.

His exhaled breaths started lowering my body temperature quickly. It was already cold in the room as the room-heater was not turned on and part of my body was now un-covered, which started loosing heat really fast. I was partially sitting till now, but now I laid down straight on the bed to make it more comfortable for both of us. My body started reacting to the coldness by showing symptoms like intermittent small shivering and vibrations. After one or two such sensations, he moved his hand a little up and down without moving his head. He was probably trying to check if my body was getting cold. After a few moments of his inspection, he instantly got up, picked up both the blankets from other side of bed, covered us in it and made sure that I was completely covered within the blanket and then got back to same position.

We both slept in same pose throughout the night. The room lights could not be switched off. His head was on my chest and he was probably hearing rhythms of my heart-beats. His hands were covering me and trying to get hold of me from both sides. He did not do anything else whole night, no other action or movement or kissing etc. His grip around me was a little loosen intermittently when he might have fallen asleep but he kept on tightening it at small intervals, I guess, whenever he woke-up after small sessions.

This whole incident is making me anxious, and worried. He has stopped talking. He has not taken anything since night (although I took a small bowl of Cornflakes and milk last night). He is not preventing me or stopping me if I want to go somewhere or do anything, but has also not said a single word since night. He even did not do the “things” he used to do during our bed-time daily. I am not even aware of what is troubling him. That’s even more painful.

This post will be published automatically at the scheduled time as I have to leave for the official get-together on Christmas, and I am one of the organizers so I have to leave early in morning today to do all sort of arrangements. I hope and pray to the Almighty, when I return back, our life is also back on the normal happy track. After all, if it is a “Merry Christmas” for everyone, why should it not be Merrier for both of us?


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