A good online friend and a follower to my this eDiary, asked me a few questions some days back, and later he suggested me to share it (or actually publish it). So, here I am, sharing the conversation with slight modifications (to hide the identity and personal details).
Again, these are all part of personal one-to-one communication with my friend, but it reflects a good part of my thought process, my opinion and my outlook to the love and the life.
Your thoughts on it are warmly welcome.
I want to ask a very simple question……What is love exactly?
(It will automatically be covered in my answers below)
I donno I have never felt something called love.
I don’t agree with this statement. We, in our purest form, are manifestation of just “Love” and “Pure Love”, nothing else. Now the question is why we don’t feel it then? Let me explain it with an analogy. Have you seen the Sun shining? It is natural virtue of Sun. It does not have to borrow it. As long as sun is there, the Sun shine is with it. That’s exactly what we are – a manifestation of pure love. We don’t recognize this thing because, we don’t know our real identity. I am talking about our soul here.
Now, on the other hand, look at the Moon. Does it have a source of light on its own? No. Does it give light? In simple language, “Yes”, depending upon circumstances and relative positioning, it appears to throw some light in different qualities and different quantities. This is also an example of our manifestation “love” in this world. This is the thing what most of us are confused as “Love”. This is our worldly Love.
This is how we are in this world. We have covered the original source of love somewhere deep within, and then added a lots of layers on top of it… layers are so numerous, and also sometimes so thick that it does not permit the original light to come out completely. What comes out, is a filtered, reduced, limited and polarized version of light. This is our “definition” of love in this world. Light is still being emitted by the original source of light within us, but we don’t know or understand it, and what we can see through our limited knowledge and limited capabilities of understanding, is this polarized, diminished, limited light. The color of light, the intensity of this light varies from one object (person) to another depending upon number and types of layers it used to cover the original source. So our worldly love appears to be different in context, in quantity and in quality from one person to another. One person could appear to be emitting warm-shades of love (Red color for example) and may be identified as a passionate lover to someone one or group of people, and other person may appear to emit a colder shade (for example, blue) of light and will appear to be “Cold” in nature, un-romantic etc.
I have never felt like devoting our-self completely to one person. I had a girl friend, when I was in engineering. She was like your rommie, whenever I read your incidents with your rommie I recollect incidents with my girl friend.We were in relationship for 5 years. I donno..why I couldn’t love her the way she loved me. Is that a problem…that we don’t understand the feeling of love?
Though we were in relationship for 5 years, But something was missing btw us.Are you in love with your rommie now?
How does it feel when you are in love?
I cannot exactly explain how it feels. I feel secure, content and satisfied. I feel calm. I feel passionate, enthusiastic and want to do anything (to a great extent barring a few exceptions) that can make my roomie happy. This all happens when I know my roomie is with me. Remember, I too have many layers covering up my inner light, but slowly I learned and tried to eliminate and let go of some of the layers and I started feeling myself in better emotional state of mind.
On the other hand, at times, when I see a possibility of loosing him, a potential threat of breaking us apart, or if I see him unhappy, or down in any way or because of his health issues, I feel terrified, weak, just like a loser, nervous and restless. Nothing appears good or soothes me at that time. If at any time, I see tears in his eyes, whether I was the cause of those tears or someone else, it tears my heart apart. I feel like a shit on this planet who happened to not being able to soothe my love and take him out of this misery of life. I live for him. I want to see him happy, and smiling all the time.
Theoretically, it sounds good, and too idealistic. And appears hard to be achieved in practical life. And that’s the truth. But it happens, when you get so strongly attached with someone emotionally, you are driven by forces not in your control. And these things start happening on their own. You do not do anything. It all happens automatically. If you have read all my eDiary closely, you would have noticed, probably that I had gone through a transition. Initially I was not in love with this guy. I liked him, but did not love him. There were times when we had clashes of mutual interests between us. We had different priorities in life, different perspectives and different demands from our lives.
I had the same case, I have accepted the love after they proposing me……I never started loving someone…..so called one side love…..Have you ever felt like that?
It is hard to find true love. And to be honest, even we cannot reciprocate true love. Simply because we are not in that elevated state of mind where we have no expectations or demands left from anyone, whatsoever, except love and purely love. Meera Bai (Devotee of Lord Krishna) was in that elevated state.
Love cannot “demand” anything. It makes you learn how to “Give”. It is purely surrender, un-conditionally. We are not tuned to that kind of living yet. So let us adapt a better and balanced approach. Love is “letting go”.. everything.. even yourself. More you loose control, better you will feel in love. Be careful, whom you love before you start, and then don’t care when you have decided. If you are unable to find someone, try it on same level for everyone. It is definitely a problem with us if we are not easily mixed up or relatively less accepted by people. See, if we need to improve.
Limit your expectations, and start giving more, without much expectations to get back something in return. It is not a business dealing. You want to feel love, power of love, devote yourself to it. Unless you get the driving force, unless you feel the emotion called love, you won’t be able to understand in exact terms what I am trying to say. And to start, and get a feel of love, shower your love unconditionally on everyone, every single person or object that comes in contact with you. When we worship an idol, it is not God sitting in that idol. It is a medium for us to enrich our feelings and enhance our practice to surrender so that we somehow can learn – how to love, and for love, it is essential to surrender, unconditionally.
Need your answer…will be waiting for your reply.