(Continued from the previous post…)
Till this time, he was patiently listening to me. After I finished, he turned to me, grabbed my face in his hands and looked directly into my eyes, and said, “I am sorry Darling. I really did not mean to hurt your feelings. You can always trust me and I will always be there for you. But this time, I was also going through similar phase. My world was ending with all the hopes of ever getting you back in my life. Even if it was not your mistake, but it was the end-result that was disturbing. I felt more lonely than ever in my life. I lost my “rights” over you, and along with you, I lost everything that brought in any happiness in my life, be it the love I received from Mom, or a family I was about to be a part of.”
He gave me a gentle kiss. After kiss, he kept holding my head in the same pose, our heads in touch with each-other and said, “I am really sorry Darling. Please forgive me for not being there with you when you needed me. I was even disappointed that I was the only cause of all these troubles to you and it was I who was snatching away the Mom’s happiness and her dreams from her.”
He explained with misty-eyes, “She (Mom) accepted me as her elder son, and what I was giving in return to her? Rather, I was causing her all the troubles and was interested in taking away from her all the sources of happiness – You, for rest of her life. Why? All just because of my selfishness, my own happiness! Although I had promised you that I would be happy in seeing you happy and would never interfere in your personal decisions about your life and that I did not expect anything in return from you, it was not so easy for me when it was time to make such a decision in real life. I was confused, devastated. I did not want to loose you at any cost. I was getting stretched between my love for you and your needs.”
He continued, after a small pause, “I tried hard, and wanted you, but my conscience was not allowing me for it. After all, the Love, in itself demands devotion and surrendering to the lover.”, and then hugged me tightly.
I could now understand the reason of his ignorance and negligence to me. With his hug, I felt content, as if I got the life back. But I was still puzzled and asked him, “But.. then…what made you change your mind suddenly?”
Till now he was hugging me but now after I asked this question, he pulled me away to look into my eyes, and said with a smile, “When Mom called me yesterday, she told me that you were very upset and left home angrily. She also hinted me that you said something about ‘Marrying me, instead of that girl’ in rage.”, His smile widened after telling me this thing. He continued,”She thought, it was a statement, given in wrath, un-balanced state of mind. She asked me to take proper care of you especially in current situation. She was very concerned about you, and your well-being. She loves you a lot. She also suggested me to not to loose my temperament if you behave rudely, rather stupidly, and forgive you as my younger brother. And then at the end, she said to me that in this unknown city, and new place, she was still assured of your safety because her elder son (I) was there to take care of her younger one (you). “
He was still looking at me, and smiling. He then continued, “Although, it was a matter of concern for me but when she said that you told her about marrying me, I got a kind of assurance. Earlier, I was thinking that probably, I might have created pressure on you and you might want to marry a girl. A forced decision was never going to keep us happy. But when it was your consent, even though in unstable state of mind, such a decision proved it that you might have considered it an option for us at some point in time. It was no less than a consolation prize for me that you acknowledged my love for you.”
When he finished his sentence, I felt a compelling need to hold him in my arms, and I did the same. We both were lost in each other’s arms and were feeling eternal calmness, after a long long time.