(Continued from previous post…)
My friend, AAAA did not take the bath. He said in a diminishing voice, “Never mind, you get ready. I shall bathe later on.”
I got fresh, bathed, and then finished my breakfast with my gang in my room. I wanted to take a nap, but my friends wanted to talk and talk and talk. I was feeling sleepy, so I rested my head on the lap of my friend sitting next to me, and inserted the ear-plugs in my ear to enjoy the music from my mobile phone. My friend started caressing my hair and her soothing massage soon took me to deep sleep without me knowing about it. Her caressing of hair and soothing massage reminded me of my roomie, when I was resting in his arms and telling him story of my first crush just a day before yesterday. He was doing it in similar way.
After sometime, I woke up by the pressure of nature’s call. I looked around, the room was almost empty except 4 of my friends there. My friend was asleep in that same pose whose lap I was using as a pillow. There were three others who were sleeping in my bed. After returning from the loo, I wanted to sleep a little more but there was no room in my room. And now, after taking a little nap, I was feeling better, and little more relaxed and energetic. Before sleeping, I was thinking about my roomie, so after waking up, I was missing him the most. The deep silence in the room was supporting the memory reconciliation and was adding fuel to the fire.
All the scenes from last night started running through my mind. His teary eyes, when he came to see me off, his act of holding my hand in his hand and running with me to help me catch the train, his surprise visit to the Railway station just to have a face to face meeting with me, all incidents were as fresh as it happened just now. I was now terribly missing his warm and caring touch. I started to get feel of his strong and warm body when he hugged me last night on the railway platform. He was wearing a very thin shirt without wearing any vest underneath. When he hugged me, and I touched his back, I was able to feel his body through his shirt. This very moment, I wanted him to be here with me.
Although it becomes easy to sleep when one is exhausted or tired, but even then I felt myself un-comfortable when I was trying to sleep a little while ago in the lap of my friend. I was missing that pampering, that coziness and that touch which continually keeps on exploring my body every night and to which now I have become habitual of. I was missing him in entirety. Now, after getting separated from him, I realized that he had become an integral part of my life. His presence and now absence was also controlling my life. I was not feeling at home in my own home. Without him, I was home-alone, even though I was with my family, and good number of friends all around. I was getting desperate to leave this place and get back to where my roomie was. All I wanted was to be with him, and in his arms right now. Why is it so that we learn the value of something only after losing it? Till the time he was available to me, I never understood how important he was for me and how much he loves me.
I was desperate to meet him, to talk to him, so I tried calling him from my mobile. The call was through, but he did not answer my call. I could not dare further to call him back. Could he still be upset with my mis-behavior and selfishness? I deserved it. I became so desperate to meet him, and felt so helpless in the situation to get hold of him that made me cry. Tears started rolling out of my eyes.
Everyone pointed it out easily. There was a change in my attitude, my behavior after I woke up. They asked me again and again, if I was alright. They tried to figure out what was troubling me. They offered me help separately to discuss my problem with them. My parents were also concerned why their jovial, energetic son has all of a sudden turned into a dull and unhappy person. I wanted the help to shed some of the load off my shoulders and share my pains with them. Sharing reduces the pain, I heared that. But it was not possible for me to share my secret love life and feelings troubling me with anyone of them.
As the time passed, it became a torture for me to bear it anymore. Rest of the day, and night were getting worse with each single moment passing by. I was miserably missing my roomie, his loving touch, his body and proximity of his body with mine that assured me of the same love and affection whole night. The bad and fearing part was that he neither returned the call nor he answered my calls. I was on the verge of losing him for good once again, due to my stupidity.
(To be continued…)