Love…Why?

He was trying to wake me up for past half an hour or so. But I wanted to enjoy some more time sleeping. It was Holiday and I had some extra time for this leisure activity. After it rained last night, the climate was also very pleasant and soothing, perfectly suitable for a nap-time.

When he saw his attempts failing, his tricky mind started playing tricks. I haven’t seen any of his tricks failing yet because he knows in and out of me very well. He understands my Physics, Chemistry and Psychology, and masters the art of utilizing it the best way to find the desired outputs.

He pulled me up on his chest. I moved onto him, a bit reluctantly. Half of my energy was wasted in moving.. you know it guys… how tough and big task it becomes when you want to sleep and are already feeling laziness for doing anything. But it was worth it. I was rewarded with a more comfortable, sensual and emotionally satisfying sleep position now.  Slowly, he entered his hand inside my T-shirt and started massaging my back, caressing it.

sleep-on-top

He kept on doing it with a slow pace, all over my back. It was a very soothing effect, and exciting too. There was no reason for me to get lost in my dreams as his moving hands, sensual touch of his warm body, and his hugging was constantly pulling me out of the dreamland.

Suddenly, he kissed me on my neck, and said in a mild loving tone, “Get up baby! The Tea is waiting for us for a long time.“, and with this, one of his hands moved down to my hips and he gave it a gentle squeeze on one side. I was not feeling sleepy and was not sexually aroused. I was feeling calm, and cozy and was enjoying it. But at the same time, I did not want to make him suffer for me. I knew, he would also not take anything without me when we are together. Anyways, his trick had worked perfectly and I was now far away from returning back to my dreams. I raised my head up, trying to get up. He grabbed my head in his hands, and gave me a Good Morning kiss on my lips.

I got down from him, back to my bed, next to him. I was still “planning” to take a little more time before finally leaving the bed, and he probably guessed what my intentions were. He grabbed me in his grip tightly, uncovered my chest and then his culprit hands started paying with my nipple. Almost all the sensitive area of my body were now in direct touch with his skin from chest to down below. Seeing no positive response from me to get up, it was a direct attempt to seduce me and make me sexually aroused, and he was succeeding in this too.

sleep-sed

Soon after his finger tip caressed top my my nipple head, and he moved it up and down and then gave it a mild pinch, my crotch had already started reacting strongly to his actions. Seeing the conditions going out of my control, I made a failed attempt to stop this encroachment on my sensitive area. I tried to block his hand and remove it from the war-zone, but he was already prepared to deal with all such attempts from me. He tightened his grip so that even I could not move my hand, and also started moving his leg up and down to rub my thighs and massage my hardening crotch.

His hand was already able to sense my raising heart beats and he could clearly feel my increased breathing pace. Seeing this response from my body, his movements on my thigh became more violent and started penetrating deeper, upto head of my penis now. I knew, where it was all heading too.

He pulled off my T-Shirt, hugged me tightly and then kissed me. I did not react, as my organs were already responding appropriately.

hug

Instead of trying to wake me up, he also hugged me tight and stopped all his actions except his leg movements. He rested his head on my shoulder and closed his eyes. His breath falling on my neck was giving me a tickling sensation. His breathing pace also started slowing down. The sensual up and down movements of his thigh hitting my crotch were also slowed down, but he continued doing that. I believe, he was also enjoying touch of my thighs and crotch. We kept lying in that pose, hugging each other, for an unknown time.

wakeup-attempt

After sometime, I was just about to sleep back, when he got on top of me, kissed on my neck and said, “Hey Sexy! Don’t test my patience… you better get up now.“. It was a sincere and an honest request, and a warning to me. I could understand how much he would have been controlling his wild imaginations and actions just not to let me feel bad about his act. I turned back to him, and saw his smiling sexy face, and attractive eyes looking at me. He was caressing my hair, gently moving his fingers on my head. This time, I had no option except to follow his suggestion cum ultimatum.

I kissed him back on his cute smiling face, and said, “Okay!“. After we got up, I went to loo, came back in 10 minutes and saw, he was ready with fresh Tea and snacks for us.  When we finished the tea and snacks, I relaxed myself in a more comfortable sitting pose. He also laid down resting his head on my lap.

couch

I looked at him. I found his glorious, shiny body, and cute face, that could be center of attraction for any eyes. His eyes were closed.  My hand reached his face, and started pampering him. He smiled, with his eyes closed, but did not move.

All of sudden, my thought process became a bit philosophical in nature. I was feeling good to look at his body, and was feeling happy and fulfilled seeing him lying with me. The feeling of him being mine was enough to make me feel “Content” and satisfied. I kept looking at him, enjoying the view. Slowly, my attention moved to his face, and then to his juicy pink lips. I moved my index finger over his lips.

When it reached the middle of his lips, he first kissed it and then swallowed it, and then continued sucking it without opening his eyes. Not sure, if he was enjoying something in his fantasies with his eyes closed, or the sweet and salty taste of snacks we had a little while ago, by sucking my fingers. But his continued prolonged sucking, which was getting deeper and deeper to cover whole length of my finger now made me laugh at his act and also made me think that there ought to be something beyond the taste of snacks.

After a few moments, when he did not stop doing this, I tried pulling my finger out, but he prevented me by grabbing my hand in his hands and continued sucking it more passionately.  I was now sure that he was playing some “dirty games” in his mind. To confirm my own understanding I looked at his crotch. It was hard, erect and pulsating frequently.

I moved my other hand over his chest, and then to his belly. And I noticed, a sudden jump of his crotch in his underwear as soon as my hand touched his body. But he still did not open his eyes.

I am concerned that I am not able to fulfill his deep sexual desires physically, and not able to satisfy his sexual needs either. I keep him starving of his sexual needs. I could not be so cruel to him to not to let him satisfy himself even in his fantasies. So, I decided to help him now. I moved my hand from his belly, a bit down to his crotch and gave it a small squeeze.

As my hand touched his crotch area (through his underwear), his sucking and all other movements stopped. He became a statue, except that his breathing pace was increased  many folds and his penis became rock-hard instantly and started swelling in my hand itself. The force of his penis was pushing my hand up again and again. In sheer embarrassment, I moved my hand away from his penis.

After moving away my hands, he did not react or force me to do it again. He even did not open his eyes. Rather, he continued what he was doing; sucking my finger once again. His now fully erect penis, which was jumping up intermittently was clearly showing his level of excitement and sexual arousal. But now he was servicing his little champ (penis) with his second hand and trying to adjust it every now and then. I bent forward, and kissed on his forehead and said “Enough now!” and started pulling out my finger. This time, he opened up his eyes, looked into my eyes, and slowly let my finger come out of his mouth.

And finally, he grabbed my face in his hands, pulled me towards him and kissed on my lips,and said, “I love you“.

thankukiss

Since then, there are plenty of questions coming to my mind, for which I want to find satisfactory answers. It has been few days to this incident but I haven’t found answers to my questions yet to satisfy my quest.

I know that he loves me, and for him, it is unconditional love too without imposing any restrictions on me. But I am not able to understand if this is his true love and unconditional love for me, why does he feel sexually aroused and want to have sex with me?

Although he is putting a lot of hard efforts in controlling himself and restricting his feelings and his sex desires too, knowing that I may not like him if he does it to me, but why in the first place, he want it (my body) over me? Is it not true, however a remote possibility could it be, that he likes me because of my body, my physical appearance?

I believe, and cannot explain it exactly why, but I have strong reasons for me to believe in it that he has given me a preference over his sexual desires. I also understand that he may have a higher level of sexual needs and may be sexually more active and aggressive than what I am, will it be a good idea for both of us to move forward? I mean, although I am not so restrictive now and don’t stop him touching my body most of the time, but even then it cannot give him full sexual satisfaction (I believe so).

Am I not being cruel on my part to refrain him from his basic needs or from enjoying his life? At times, even I have experienced it, that when I am in sexually agitating moods, that thing doesn’t go off my mind easily and all my attention, my thoughts are focused on that thing. I am making him do it (sexual stimulation/arousal) and then snatch the rights of joy from him on almost daily basis. I have started feeling guilty and feeling of being cruel to his generous nature.  I am not able to reciprocate even a fraction of love, care and affection I am getting from him. I am feeling indebted to him, his love and affection for me. And that is making him a more respectable, adorable, affectionate figure for me, to whom I am feeling indebted for my inability to meet his needs.

The question now puzzling me is, “he loves me…alright, but Why?”

I have asked this question to him, several times, and he tried his best to explain it to me. Even some of my good online friends and readers also added their valuable suggestions on this thread from their past life experiences, but it could not answer my basic question – “Love… Why?” in the language that I can understand. Probably, the definition of true love for me is very impractical, unrealistic and far away from human-world.

I am not doubting his love for me. There is no question of putting him in suspicion-zone for his affectionate love, and care for me, which I can feel.

I have surrendered to him (almost 90%). No major objections or questions from my side now on what he is doing with me or my body. I changed myself to such a great extent that even I don’t believe that I could have taken such a bold step.It altogether is different story that now even he has changed himself a lot and has not crossed any limits that could make me feel uneasy, or embarrassed. But somehow, may be because of my (incomplete, impractical and different) understanding of life, and values that I believe in, probably I want to hear something else… in the language, which probably he might not speak.

But even then… I will keep trying to figure out the answer… Let’s see how… and when !

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s