Don’t just Live in Fantasy World!

Did you ever notice it on Facebook or other social networking sites that most of the people, who consider themselves Gays (or Homosexuals more appropriately), are a bit different from the other guys.

Different in what context?  Let me explain.

Pay attention to the main message posted by someone in FB (Please refer to image given below). Someone posted that he is Gay and is in closet. He dare not to be open to his family yet as he is in search of his life partner. Once he finds his life partner, he could dare to openly declare his sexual preferences to his family since his “Hero” would be there to save him from Physical abuses of his Parents (or family).

The first reply and then last two replies to his post are mine.


It might have been written on a lighter note, but this kind of “magical” solutions to end the miseries of life are common observations for most of the guys in homosexual groups or social media posts. That’s my point of concern

It is normal that People tend to be weaker at emotional fronts, physical fronts or whatever fronts at times and but it is not normal when they tend to assume themselves weaker and try to find out a support for each and every thing in their “Boy Friend” or partner.  It is a problem if this tendency is becoming a regular activity of their life. It is a mind-game, and need to be played well.  Why is it that one want to live a passive life, and want to find a solution to every problem of one’s life from someone else.

Come on ! Stop Kidding, and showing pity on yourself. Sexual preference has nothing to do with your ability or inability to solve your problems on your own. No one has forced you to live a parasitic life. Stop this non-sense, and stand up for your own good self. At least stop pretending that some “Prince Charming” will enter your life and will end all the miseries of your life. Come out of your fantasies buddy. Try to turn yourself into that Prince Charming who can end the miseries of life. Instead of looking for the support in external factors, and external bodies, why don’t you turn yourself into someone who can support others, if needed.  No one want a loser in life. Why do you want to turn yourself into a loser without even giving yourself a fair chance to fight and win?

Recognize your potential Boss! Trust me, you have already been blessed with all the capabilities to fight and win against all the odds. Everyone’s life has its own shades of grey and one needs to find one’s winning style of turning these grey shades into vibrant colors. It may appear tough, but actually it is not tough. Just need to identify our style of working and improve it for better chances of winning the game. Remember, it is all a mind game !

Pardon me if I sound rude, but that is something I could not accept and tolerate. This kind of things portray a weaker image of Homosexuality. It is okay to be weak, but it is not okay to not fight and expect someone else to fight for you. It is not okay to assume this kind of things because you are Gay !

First Crush (Part -4: Friendship Begins)

(Continued from  previous part… )

About Me:

I was also at par with her in terms of competition. Although it was a different kind of competition for me. We both were new to this school and culture here, so both were facing similar challenges in some way or other. But I was relatively luckier. Lucky to be blessed with good and supportive friends. Instead of resistance, I received a friendly welcome by most of the class mates and school mates (juniors or seniors) right from the very first day. Perhaps, there was no “diving” financial levels between us as opposed to that Cinderella with Mercedes. Obviously they found me one among them and accepted me whole heartily.

I was among a very few popular guys in the campus, it came to my notice a little later. Why? I had no clue. There were others who were exceptionally brilliant in studies and probably from the same DNA line which belonged to Einstein, and there were others who were master in their respective fields of expertise, be it Music, Games or flattering with girls. I was not match to any of them. On top of that I was “Shy” in talking to girls and not so “talkative” in new groups.

I was just a good student, with excellent academic record, but not a book worm. I was not too much into sports either. I was just an average player, yet everyone wanted me to be in their team in Cricket or Volley Ball or Badminton match. Besides all these negative traits, I was still one of the preferred candidates for friendship. The number of my friends kept on growing exponentially. Most of them, once added to my friends circle, are still my good friends. Yes, I received a few compliments from time to time that sounded like “Cute Smile”, “You don’t have ego problems like XXXX”, “You are warm and friendly”, but I believe it was just to strengthen the bonding / friendship between us, and nothing more.

I was popular in my class too. Not only my teachers, but teachers from other class also knew me by my name. I always received good grades and appreciations from my teachers, since early stage of education. So most of the times, my fellow students used to borrow my notes or asked me for help in explaining a typical problem or a chapter to them. I don’t really know if it was an easy way for them to reach me and get fully devoted and uninterrupted attention or if they really wanted to study something. Now when I see this in context of allegations by my roomie (keeping in mind the physical beauty part), I may weigh it higher on former aspect. I was definitely not the only option left to them. It is not in my nature to deny if someone asks for a help.

The number of girls asking for my help was increasing day by day. Now when I am analyzing it today, I can make a wild guess. I tell you the reason, why? For boys, I was readily available to mix up with them as and when required, and I was surrounded with guys most of the times. They did not need an excuse to reach me. Because of my reservations and conservative  family/culture values, I was not supposed to be seen with girls in isolation often. Same thing was applicable to girls with “decent” families as it was a small city, with not so advanced, liberal and modern life styles. So usually girls used to visit boys in small groups and with a proper excuse to start the chit-chat. No doubts, there were a few exceptional cases. But after that Cinderella entered in our campus, these exceptional cases had grown very fast. Now even the girls from decent families were feeling proud in having 1 to 1 conversation with guys or to hook-up with their so called boy-friends whenever they get time in the campus. You know, it was like flashing a necklace, which read like, “My Boy friend is better than yours, because I deserve better.”

Our First Meeting:

One fine day, I was enjoying a free time having a chit-chat with a small group of friends, both guys and girls, near the play ground when the most notorious guy of our class, Ritwik, also nick-named as Play-boy, patted me on my shoulder from the back. For me, he was also a good friend.

I turned around and saw him smiling, accompanied by Cinderella. I had not seen such a beauty in my whole life. She was really a God’s gift to this universe. I did not get a chance to see her from so close distance earlier. I forgot to blink my eyes and kept staring at her face for a moment. I know it was embarrassing and rude, but I lost myself in her greenish eyes. She winked and shouted “Hi Sexy !”, and moved her hand forward to shake hands. Her loud voice, which was loud enough to be heard at the other  end of the corridor we were sitting in,  brought me back to my senses.

I shook my hand with her. The touch of her smooth and silky skin was something I had never felt before. It was a baby soft skin. Her white teeth were complementing her smiling lips, covered in vibrant bold red color. My eyes could not decide where exactly to stay to enjoy her beauty. Every glimpse of her face, was looking prettier than what my eyes were currently focusing at and at the same time were becoming greedy not to miss the golden opportunity of enjoying rest of the beauty of this Live Goddess. Who knows, if I would ever get another chance for this in my whole life or not. Now I understood why all the guys were mad about her and why they were so sympathizing with her. Now I understood, why all the girl-gangs were feeling so insecure and jealous of her. She was born to control the universe with her beauty.

She was looking more beautiful than she used to appear from distance apart . I could not dare to look down her face as it might be offending her but she definitely made my dick hard. She was looking a fully grown adult with properly shaped tight boobs. Her beauty and cute smiles were enough to make anyone file a mercy petition to this Goddess of Love and beauty.

“Meet my friend, Shalaka. You must be knowing, she also joined our college recently just like you.”, the Play Boy Ritwik gave a brief introduction.

“Oh ! so we have something in common… That’s a great start then.”, said Shalaka with a cute smile on her face. Everyone around me started looking at my face when she finished her last sentence.

“I am glad we met. I also noticed that you are a bit different from others. That’s why I asked Ritwik to introduce me to you.”, She smiled and winked when she finished her last sentence.

“Pleasure is all mine.”, I replied. Everyone, including me, clearly noticed a bright smile on her glorious face after my reply. I don’t know why I said it to her and later I felt embarrassed too when I looked at faces of all my friends who were paying attention to our conversations very closely and were giving mixed reactions through their facial expressions after each statement by her or me.

“From where had you done your previous schooling?”, she continued the talks. I was not sure if she was interested in knowing more details about me or she just wanted to make me more comfortable to open up with her through these talks, but it was sure she was not in a mood to say “See you later” which I was planning on next. I was feeling awkward in talking to her as I was afraid of losing my friends if I paid more attention to her. Boys were happy but girls were clearly very unhappy with her presence around me.

“Well… I was studying at XXXX earlier.”,  I answered.

Her next question was ready, “Where exactly is this…is it in this city or somewhere else?”

What the hell? Was she making fun of me or my financial condition? It was kind of insulting to me. We tend to see the things in the light of our own presumptions. That might not reflect the correct color of things to us. It was a small city and the school I named was one of the renowned schools in the city as it secured highest number of meritorious students, but it catered to academic needs of most of the middle class families. Definitely, it was not meant for kids of Super Rich families. For them, there were a few  5-Star schools in the city. I was disappointed by her question. Suddenly my mind reacted that probably everyone was right in saying that she does not deserve a decent friendship.

She might have noticed my facial expressions after her question, and probably she understood my concerns, and said, “Well… I am asking because I am new to this city too. It is hardly a month since I moved in to this city.”

I instantly realized my mistake, and felt sorry for what all sort of negative thoughts and presumptions I made for her. We tend to do this mistake again and again, still we do not learn. We should learn not react to a situation, rather, we should practice to respond it appropriately. We must learn not to be judgemental about what we hear, see or feel, unless there is a clear and explicit need to do so. I committed this crime of being judgmental and jumping on conclusions, based upon my presumptions and thoughts.

I was wrong, and I could not stand myself unless I ask for apologies from her. It would remind me not to repeat similar mistakes again.

I said, “Please accept my apologies Shalaka, I mis-understood you.” She probably already had an idea what I was talking about but she was generous to let it go. She smiled back and patted me on my shoulders and said, “It’s okay. It happens sometimes. Don’t bother about it too much.” And then she moved her right hand once again to shake hands with me and asked, “Friends?”

I noticed she was not only intelligent, but also sensible to catch the emotions and mature enough to respect the sentiments of others. It is not an easy thing. One can only be affected by other’s pains and sentiments with only purity of mind and heart. It touched me. Her previous image in my mind that was built from various hear-says and feedbacks about her by others, started fading away. I found a totally different person standing in front of me. She was looking an innocent child to me. I happily accepted her friendship offer and took her hand in my hands.


“Well.. this school is one of renowned schools in the city which delivered highest number of meritorious students. It is situated at XXXXX location around 5 Kilometers from this college.”, I explained her in detail. I wanted to be more courteous to her now to compensate for my mistakes.

By that time, the bell rang and the current session (class) was over. We needed to head to our next class. We all, including Shalaka, started running to the lecture hall where next class was scheduled to grab the seats on the front rows. On the way back to class room, I introduced her to rest of the friends in our group.  Don’t know about others but I was feeling good and was happy to find that she was not that bad of a person as portrayed by others.


 (To be continued…)

First Crush (Part -3)

(Continued from previous part …)

Okay ! Tell me now…  How old were you when you had your first sex?“, He interrogated. He opted for a direct question-answer approach when he noticed that his old style did not work.

I had never done sex yet.. I mean… before meeting you.“, I explained.

He giggled and said, “Bull Shit! Even we did not have sex yet. Don’t name this smooching and hugging as sex. You haven’t touched my dick yet and I have not even seen yours.

Then, I never had sex.“, I replied with a smile.

What the fuck! I don’t believe you.“, He said in a surprising tone.

Why?“, I asked. Now even I was surprised on his comment. “You believe it or not, but that’s true. BTW… why can’t I live without having sex? Why are you so surprized?“, I cross questioned him.

All your actions, ….. your style are so full of seduction. The way you look, your cute smile, your touch, the way you talk, all are part of killer packs you have. Look at your round butts, perfectly shaped round thighs… And what about the way you touch me in the bed, ….kiss me, … it is so full of passion and perfect…. first timer cannot do it like that.“, he added.

His disbelief made me feel like a play boy. or more appropriately, like a criminal, a prostitute. His accusations had hurt me more than his not believing me. He made me feel like a shit. This disappointment lead to instantly fade away all my self-respect and confidence, which reflected appropriately on my face immediately.

He got alert after seeing natural response to his accusations on my face. To control the damages, he came on back-foot, and said, “I didn’t mean it that way. Sorry if I happen to hurt your feelings though I did not intend to.”, and then kissed me  to make up for the loss.


Then he continued, “I mean to say, you are no less than a Greek God. Look at yourself baby, your sponges pink palms, your deep navel, your pink nipples, your broad chest, juicy pink lips, killer smile, beautiful shiny eyes, shiny black silky hair…. I mean.. every single part of your body is enough in itself to make anyone beg you for your love.

He paused momentarily and then started again praising me more enthusiastically, “Even if you forget about the physical beauty, you are more beautiful from inside. Even if I would have been blind, your soft-and sweet voice, with so caring and loving touch was enough for me to fall in love with you. You always tend to take care of people around you. It gives an assurance that you are there for us. How can it be possible that you did not have anyone close to you earlier?

The power of “Words. I was amazed to realize it once again. He said almost the same thing but now put in different words. Former was so destructive and humiliating where as later had a healing touch. Sometimes, we happen to do things that we don’t intend to do. But the good thing to remember is that it is never too late for an honest apology.

A little bit of silence gave us time for quick recovery. I diverted my attention to my school days as it was not going to help getting stuck in loop of negative thoughts. I thought for a moment about my school days, and it reminded me of the golden school days, and my lovely friends. Yes, I have always been passionate about my friends, and it is also true that I feel emotionally attached to each and every one of them. They are not just friends for me, they become part of my family. This is also true that I have been really lucky to get the same level of affection in return.

This is also true that I always received due respect and importance in my groups, whether being in a group of friends, among my colleagues or among the group of classmates. I never faced difficulty in making people agree to my terms or my suggestions. People around me were so kind that they readily accepted my suggestions and offers. There was minimal resistance or no resistance at all, most of the times. Does it really have anything to do with my looks?  Does looks and appearance play such a powerful role in our life?

It is also true that I never had a very large friend-circle.  Belonging to a small city, I had been confined to a small group of friends and colleagues. So my exposure was also restricted to a very limited number of people around me before moving to this Metropolitan area. So none of his observations could be generalized on mass scale.

As far as his point about my attractive looks is concerned, I know that I am a little better than average looking guy of my age, and it may also be true that I might have been blessed with sharp and probably attractive physical features (well.. to my opinion it depends a lot on the viewer) but it is also true that no one had ever seen my body earlier (except my parents during my first few years of early childhood and now my roomie after I moved here). People do not have X-Ray eyes to scan my body covered inside clothes. No one ever made me realize earlier that I look so good or attractive or look like a “Greek God”. I never got such compliments. Calling the friends with nick names like “Sexy”, “hotty”, “Cutie-pie”, “my chocolate pie”, “Champ”, “Hero”, etc. was a common thing among friends (my Mom calls me “ape” sometimes), but it does not mean that one is really a Champ or (“ape”) or that one looks sexy, or like a chocolate pie.  So, his point of navel, chest, etc. are out of consideration.  It could not be a reason (I guess !) for me getting the priority and preference over others, if it really ever happened.

What happened? Where are you lost now? Okay.. stop putting so much load on your tiny mind. Just be with me here now and answer my questions.“, he once again interrupted my long and deep thought process. He pulled me up in his arms, and started playing with my hair.


I looked at his face, expecting him to ask the questions. He started with, “Do you remember any girl or boy who was too close to you, on emotional or physical level?

It made me recall one incident from my school days and brought smile on my lips. First intimate experiences are really hard to forget.

Wow ! you are blushing!“, he exclaimed. “That means there was someone. Who was she?

She was my classmate when I was in 12th standard.“, I replied. I was even surprized why he named only “She” and not “he” in his last question.

Tell me the incident in detail… from very beginning.“, he said while continuing to play with my hair. I started narrating the story…

The Story begins… : A Little About Her

She was my classmate and belonged to an elite and reputed industrialist family. I had been very shy, especially when it comes to deal with the girls. I had my schooling up to 10th standard from all-boys school. When I moved to this new school, she also joined it the same year. I was popular among guys, but did not have that open interactions with girls.

Unlike most of other girls in my class, she was bold, frank but reserved, and definitely beautiful. Having a modern outfit, bold makeup, good dressing sense and her style made it evident that she is not like most of “us”. It was a common point of discussion among peers what she was doing in that school as most of us thought that she clearly was not a fit for that gentry, and must go to more royal and costly upper-high class institutes. Most of the girls-gangs were jealous of that “bitch”, because they knew they were unable to compete with her at any front – intellectual, financial or her personality.

Obviously it was hard for her to adjust to new place with such an “attitude”. She could hardly include just a few girls in her friends circle. She was not left with many options by the competing girls-gangs. Boys were  extra-ordinarily supportive and inclined to help the “poor” girl. Such incidents opened the “eyes” of boys to see the “truth” behind dirty politics of the girls-gang. As a result, she had more boy (-friends) than girls in her circle. She anyways, did not mind having a lots of boys in her friends circle. After all she was a “bitch” as identified by the Girls’-Gang.

Even though she was ridiculous and not worth a decent, loyal friendship for anyone, as described by Girls, but she ignited the fire in the campus. All the girls wanted to grab more attention of boys and started competing with her. It improved the life and status of boys in campus as the latest fashion trends and bold dresses were slowly becoming a norm now. Except a few very beautiful, who always had been very selective, most of the other girls were now more open to have boy friends, perhaps just to have a status symbol and show off.

(To be continued…)

First Crush (Part -2)

(Continued from previous post…)

As his constant movements were not allowing me to continue my work, I closed my laptop and moved to couch. There were two reasons, first, he couldn’t disturb me there as there was not enough space for two to accommodate. Second, I was feeling a bit tired and wanted to take a short nap, which was not possible with him being with me on the bed. This allowed me a chance to think on what he said about me.

I could not believe in what all he said about me. It was probably not all true. It might be a mix of his perception about me, his feelings for me and his wild imagination. He is also an emotional guy. When we are emotionally attached to an object (or a person), we usually tend to see the things in the color we prefer to see them, which may be far far away from the reality. Or, it may just be a case that he was flattering me to unearth some “elaborated” and “untold” truths of my past life.

But his flattering words about my “magnetic” personality gave me a reason to smile. I  normally don’t hear these kind of appreciations. It was embarrassing too. Someone told me that I was contagious. If that was true then it was like a virus, no good for anyone. I was being compared to a negative aspect of life. He might be honest, because usually frankness and truth are siblings. At least, in his expression of feelings for me, and his love for me, I could co-relate his words with his feelings for me and his affection for me. It was a very close match. That gave me a reason to dig deeper in my past, into my childhood and analyze it with a fresh perspective. I now need to see the past events from his perspective and find out if there was any truth in it.


“What happened? It’s okay if you are not comfortable in sharing your secrets with me. I cannot force you anyways.”, he jumped over me and shook me by my arm seeing no response from me for a while, and brought me out of all the thoughts I was lost in. I knew, it was not easy for him to leave me alone even for a moment, when he was around me.

I still did not say a thing. Neither did I open my eyes. It was my mistake. I forgot, that this may invite more troubles for me if I did not respond to him. Sometimes he behaves like a toddler. He wouldn’t leave me till I revert back to him or pay attention to him. He did exactly the same.

He started moving his butts up and down slowly, thereby rubbing his penis against my butts. It was already semi hard, which started getting harder with each movement. I couldn’t really understand why do I find his penis almost hard all the time, whenever I got a chance to feel it. I was also wondering if he is sexually hyper-active or a sex freak? Well… actually this should not be the case because, even though he is sexually aroused most of the times when he is with me, he refrained himself from crossing limits. He had been able to control his sex desires at the last moments, when even I lost all my control.

I turned on my side to get rid of him from this awkward pose.


And then he kissed me gently on my shoulder and whispered in my ears, “Hey Sexy ! Tell me naaa….  who was your first Crush? How was your first love experience? I want to know where do I stand in your life.”


His last words touched me deeply. His tone had turned into a serious note and lost its jovial nature while putting these words. It was not difficult to understand that probably  he was troubled with something while putting these words.

I grabbed his hand in my hand, which was wrapped around my chest, and then turned to him. He welcomed my move with a smile, but this time, it was fading away.  I looked into his eyes, and kissed him passionately, and then said, “Darling ! You are my only love of life so far. You are my first and the only crush. I am deeply in love with you.”


And, I noticed his glittering smile was back. His eyes started shining with the same confidence and naughtiness.

He kissed me back, hugged me tight, and said, “… but what about girls… I still want to hear all your childhood stories. I want to be part of your that life too.”

First Crush (Part -1)

I felt a sudden strong vibration on the bed, and before I could understand what was wrong, I noticed his head resting on my lower back. I looked around and found that he had jumped over the bed like an uncivilized ape creating an earth-quake like situation on the bed.


Seeing him smiling on his stupid act, I ignored him and resumed my work on my laptop computer. He was all set, and planned. He slowly moved a bit over me to distract me and draw my attention. Obviously, his frequent movements, were not allowing me to type correctly.

“You must be very popular among your classmates, especially among the girls.”, He asked, while holding the book in his hands.

“Yeah… ! I was lucky to have good number of friends”, I replied casually. I could not understand the logic behind this question. Why all of a sudden he was interested in my student life today? I was puzzled, trying to figure out his actual intention behind this question. He hardly ever said anything which was useless or out of context.  I turned back to read his expressions.

Looking at my blank face, he tried to explain me, “I mean, you are already damn cute and sexy, with sharp and attractive features. You have a magnetic personality that attracts everyone. I am sure many girls would have been competing to get close to you.”

His explanation was again focused on “Girls” and I. There would definitely be something cooking in his mind,  but what exactly could it be? I was busy making all this sort of analysis and wild guess, and he was looking at my face.

Probably, he figured out my dilemma, and curiosity about his questions, so he added without further waiting for my reply, to make it more clear. “You know, when I saw you very first day when you entered this room for inspection, my eyes automatically started following you, unintentionally. I lost control over my thoughts and my senses. It was you who was controlling it after entering in this room. That day, I had prayed to the Almighty, to make it happen (to make you stay here with me) many times, and you see that my honest prayers were accepted and I am blessed with your company and friendship. You probably don’t know what charm do you possess! It’s invasive and contagious. Your presence impacts deeply, and penetrates through the heart, and that’s too within a very short interval. That’s why I was wondering, you know…., when you can make it happen to a rather rude, hard guy like me, how could have you managed to spend your time among girls, who are gifted with excess of emotions and sentiments. I am eager to know about your childhood, about your first crush, if you please don’t mind sharing it with me.”

He now sounded quite honest. I could see his intentions now, at least what he had portrayed to me.

(To be continued…)

Guess or Reality?

I have a question… actually .. I am curious to know.. please share your experiences here. I believe, most of us would have had faced similar situation in life.

Suppose, you are in a public place, or in a public transport, and you notice someone looking at you again and again. Whenever you make a direct eye contact, he or she turns away but you find him or her looking at you more than the others in the crowd. What is this?

Is it some sort of indication or a signal? Initially I used to get conscious about my looks assuming probably there is some evident flaw in my dressing sense or if my zip (trouser’s zip) was left unlocked or may be something was sticking on my face, but now I know, it is nothing like that. It is a typical behavior of some special breed of people (and not any apparent flaw in my looks or dressing sense) that behave in this rude way. Apparently, number of people belonging to this typical breed is growing exponentially in recent past.. or perhaps, I started paying attention to such looks now. I am still not clear… why I get such “abnormal” looks? These abnormal looks are becoming almost a normal routine for me now. Are they looking at me for want of a friendship? Or something else?

Second thing, is a little bit different from this, but still co-related and for which I eagerly want to find an answer. Although I would welcome answer and sharing of the experiences by anyone irrespective or geographical boundaries, still I would be more interested in experiences based upon Indian geography and people, as during my very short tenure in USA, I did not find similar behavioral rudeness in Americans. Every culture is a bit different from other.

Suppose, you are in public place or in a public transport, and you suddenly feel (without any explicit reason) that one of the person is (probably) sexually attracted to you. Even if she or he might just be admiring your looks but you have that feeling that tells you he or she is giving you undue and special attention. You start guessing his or her interests in you and slowly your puzzled mind may make you guess his sexual interests (sexual orientation). I understand it cannot be correct, or even close to reality, but is there a way to figure out if someone is gay or bi or whatever, by just inspecting his looks or style? How accurate can it be to guess one’s sexual preferences by just paying attention to his personality or looks or style of dressing etc.?  What are the things that differentiate a homosexual (including bisexual) person from an absolute straight? Again, I am talking about only the guys who are not effeminate. Is there a remote possibility that you guess that a person could be a gay and he actually be a Gay (or atleast interested in homosexauals)?

And, more importantly, why did I start paying attention to all such things which end up with :”Sex”? Am I getting distracted or is it my mindset that is being brainwashed due to my company or my new life style? Am I becoming abnormal (non-straight) ?

Your thoughts, your experiences, your suggestions are all warmly welcome.. so please spend some time to share your experiences, etc. with me through this post or using the “Contact” from from top menu.