Khulaa Darbaar (after effects of Alcohol)


Last night, he had an office party with his colleagues, which later turned in to a personal party after his client’s visit was over. I am really not sure if he drinks (have not seen him in this condition earlier) or someone among his colleagues played a prank with him. He is insisting that he stays away from drinks (read “Alcohol”) and is teetotaler and that yesterday also he only took soft-drinks (no alcohol or hard drinks or beer etc.) but when he returned home (actually his friend dropped him home as he was not in a condition to drive) he was passed-out. The morning scene of my (our) bed was something like this:

RoomieSleeping

The effect of drink was very obvious in night itself when he came back to the room at around 2 AM. I had to help him undress and take off his shoes etc. He was not completely conscious and was needing a support while standing or changing his clothes. The  hangover was not over till 10:00 AM today. I have read online and seen in a few movies that strong coffee helps to get out of such hangover so I tried to wake him up, offered him Coffee twice but it did not help much. He is complaining about terrible headache and fast asleep once again after taking coffee.

He did not take anything…no breakfast..  no water..  absolutely nothing… just sleeping like Kumbhkaran ! It is around more than 12:00 PM now… half of the day has already gone. Is it normal?  What should I do? Any suggestions or help guys?   Does he need to see a doctor? I also don’t know anything about hangover and Alcohols… so any advice would be appreciated…  (quick home-remedies preferred).

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2-Way communication (between hearts)


(A communication … between two “living” hearts)

Hey, You !

… (silence..  no reply from other side)

… yeah…. you there ! I am talking to you.

eh…! What’s up?

I am trying so hard to reach you for a long time… but you don’t give it a damn ! Initially you looked like paying attention to me but now you are ignoring me. Do you know how difficult is it to make a place in someone’s life now a days? I have been sincerely fighting against all odds to win you since I noticed you around me. I did more than what I could do but you … you are turning in to a stone-heart.

The listener-heart was pumping in same monotonous tone.. as if it was really a stone-heart, without any reactions or response.

See, I am longing for you. You have become my life. I cannot imagine my life any longer without you. Why have you become so cruel to me? Have mercy ! All I want is a chunk of your love in my life. What made you so miserable … ?… Speak up something.  Talk to me please. Don’t I even deserve that little of your attention?

…. “It” was still beating in same “mechanical” way…

The other heart was now loosing all its courage. Seeing no response to “his” needs of love, broke all the barriers now…and he went in to a deep silence.

A Silence… that gives plenty of time…             and space…

…Time … to spend in one’s own company…

… and space.. to analyze.. where we went wrong…

time .. and space for introspection….

Sometimes, the Silence is louder than words. Echo of “his” spoken and un-spoken words were loud enough in this silence to melt the hardest of Stones in to their elements. These were penetrating deeply and rupturing all the hard-shells of the stone-heart and were simulating the dead-cells.

The dead-melodies of the stone-heart started waking up again. The “Stone” was turning “soft” to become a heart again, to feel the pain, and enjoy the “togetherness“. It was coming back to life now.

Yes, it is true, the company of things, or people around us affect us a lot. We only realize it later. Sometimes, just before it is too late, if we are lucky enough.


A note: Thank You, Abhi, for being a “powerful” and “motivating” company to me at all the hard times, when I needed it the most.

:Love … Hate !


I don’t really know what is this.. and why is it so.. but for last couple of days, I am feeling very fragile, upset, emotionally down and useless. I even don’t want to be with him. His presence and his actions are repelling me and he is looking more irritating to me now.

I don’t understand what brought so many drastic changes in me and my life in last couple of days but it is like this only. It is not that he is doing something new. Whatever he does is always smoothing and caring but now even that is irritating me. Is it uncertainty, anxiety or any thing else?

I am now getting frustrated easily and boil quickly at mere glimpse of his body, or if he touches me. I don’t like talking to him. The worst part is the guy whom I started liking and feeling in love with him recently, now the same guy is becoming a target of hate for me. He had probably not done anything wrong. The problem is with me, but I don’t know how to get out of this problem.

Style… Delhites ka !!!


There is a famous filmi dialog for Delhites… “Dilli Dilwalon ki

But if you really want to see the Dilli Walon ka Badaa Dil (big heart of Delhites)..you need to go to one of the terminating Delhi-Metro stations, such as Gurgaon Huda City Center or Central Secretariat (some of the violet line metro run between Mujessar (Faridabad) to Central Secretariat), that’s too in peak office hours between 7-9 AM and 5-8 PM.

Indiscipline, ill-manners, impatience, arrogance, all you can find in a common Delhite by virtue of being a Delhite. After all, New Delhi being capital of India, deserves something extra. They create problems for simple things and make it more complex and then tend to criticize the sytem, and others.

Take a simple example. At the terminating metro stations, everyone is eagerly willing to hop in a seat in metro coach for a comfortable journey. I agree, it is a very painful and tiring experience if someone has to commute all the way standing still for almost an hour or so or even more than that ( some times upto 2+ hours for some people). I am not asking that you don’t grab a seat. All I am saying is why do people not respect the simple rules of life, like first come, first served or follow a queue system? There is a sudden stampede as soon as metro train’s doors are open. It is so dangerous that people may get critically hurt, especially the senior citizen, ladies and children. But no one cares for others. All they care is – winning the forte, grab a seat and own it for next 1+ hour or so on an average. Why don’t  people learn to respect and follow the simple things which make our life easy such as “right of the way” on the road,  the rules of the road, and “First come, First served” ?

Life is much easier, controlled, and balanced, when we follow the rules.When we learn to respect and value the system and feel pride in setting up examples in front of others.

“Why” this Kolaveri… Di?


After the last night event, when we got up next morning, I decided to ask him about last night events. It was important for me to know “What” made him go so wild and dis-respect my feelings like this? I wanted to know “Why” was he behaving like he behaved all the way from PVR back to our room and then why the hell he did not think about me? It was important for me to know whether I was being used just as a sex-object for his sexual pleasures?

The fresh mind after getting up from the bed is the best time to get the truth. Mostly people are close to their natural instincts and more truthful and factual. I was careful to be diplomatic and polite instead of behaving rudely.

I woke up before him and was lying on my bed planning about how should I start the conversation so as not to ruin start of our first work-day of the week. I looked to my right where he was sleeping next to me. He was still asleep. I went close to his face and he suddenly opened his eyes. May be he was already awake or sensed me from my body odor (although I don’t think that it was any body odor) but somehow he sensed me there and opened his eyes. I was very close to his face and looking at his beautiful face with sharp nose, pink juicy lips and silky hair when he opened his shiny eyes and passed an attractive smile to me with a flying kiss and wished me “Good Morning darling!“.

I smiled back to him and before I could wish him back a “Good morning”, he grabbed me in his arms, pulled my face down and kissed on my lips, and then he said, “Now it is a good morning for me.” We were both bare-chest as we did not wear anything on top after taking shower. He was still partially embracing me with his left hand resting on my back.

I smiled back again and was amused by his act that made me think how did he master the art of flirting so effectively? He was looking at my face and started moving his right hand fingers in my hair to comb them. This brought me out of my thoughts. I asked him, “So… feeling fresh now?” He replied, “Always with you“.

I thought it is better to directly jump to the topic, I asked, “Would you mind telling me, what was all this last night? I have never seen you behaving like this before. It was a shocking surprize for me. In fact, I got scared after seeing your this new and totally unexpected wild attitude.

He kept silently massaging and fingering my hair silently. Then he smiled, and asked me, “Be honest ! Didn’t you like it?”. He paused and then continued, “You don’t need to answer me. I already know it. You need to answer it to yourself.

I was all ears now, trying to understand what he was trying to tell me.

There was a silence for a moment and then he continued, “You forgot I am also a living human being. I do have emotions, feelings like yours. I also feel the love, the hate, the hunger like others. I am also young and living with some dreams. No one gave you a right to play with my emotions at will and break them whenever you want. I adore you. I love you more than I have loved anything in my life except my Mom, and will keep loving you forever. But you did not try to understand it. Besides my love for you, I do have some sexual needs and cravings. I was controlling it for a long time. I did it. I tried my best. But it was you who always jumped the sides and played with my emotions. You may have done it unknowingly but you seduced me many times. You knew I am longing for you, and you gave me mixed signals all the time. You touch me when you are in good mood or feeling happy. It may be just a friendly touch for you. But I don’t have a permission to touch you, why so? You are my weakness. Your body is my weakness. You knew it very well. Still, you flaunt it to exploit my feelings for you and make me feel more insecure? It is like the dish is “served” but in-accessible.  You have time for strangers like Divyangana but no time for me? You made me feel jealous; feel insecure. More I tried to adapt to your rules, more you were getting away from me. I suppressed many times my feelings for you, my desires of physical intimacy with you, my desires to touch you and that you touch me. You knew it very well.  But you made it all very hard and restrictive for me. I started feeling suffocating, insecure and under pressure.

I was stunned. It was not making any sense to me. It sounded all like false accusations. He was putting all sort of blames on me and was making me responsible for all what he did yesterday. Whey did I seduce him? Was it wrong to help him in bath when he was weak and was not able to even walk right after his discharge from nursing home? Was it wrong that I followed his suggestion to take off my vest  or T-Shirt and sleep bare chested in hot and humid summer nights? Do I not have a right to live the way I want and spend my time with my other friends?

I stopped him in between… “Wait ! Wait !! Wait !!!  This is all bull shit. When did I try to seduce you? When did I exploited your feelings or played with your emotions? And do you mean to say just because you love me, I don’t deserve a personal space in my own life? I don’t have a right to go out with other friends or talk to them?”  I was furious with his allegations of injustice done by me and I noticed that my voice tone and breathing speed had already increased.

Hey ! Sweetu !! Calm down. I did not mean to offend you. I am not blaming you for anything. You wanted to know what made me behave like this, so I just shared my condition with you just to have you an idea what sort of psychological and emotional pressures I am undergoing.“, He said patting me on my shoulder.  He further added, “You know it that I love you, and will always keep you loving till last breath of my life, whether you love me or not. No body can now take your place in my life, even if I wish it to happen. It is just impossible. I cannot hurt you ever, or your feelings either. For me, you and your happiness is my first priority and only thing in my life for which I am living.You might have already noticed it yesterday. I was horny, badly desperate to have sex with you and under emotional and psychological pressures to make you mine before someone else (read “Divangana” here) snatches you away from me but besides all this, I was able to control my feelings, my desires last night and did nothing that you really did not want to.

He did not finish here. He continued further, “As far as it is a matter of seducing me, I already told you that it may not be a deliberate action from you but for me such small incidents matter a lot because these gave me a hint or a hope for “us” being together someday.  Remember, caressed my chest and then you pinched my nipple watching that online Chinese TV show – Heroin the Addiction series? Do you remember when you hugged me and joined me when I was stroking that night (masturbating) and had bitten me on my nipple? Do you remember when you hugged me and embraced me and kissed me and told me that “I need not to be sorry!” – you were also bare chest and you body was in full touch with my body and you were on top of me? Was it all fake? There are many moments in my memory. I had prepared myself mentally to live my life the way I deserved but you created hopes in me, and when I made advances you always scolded me or stopped talking to me or preferred other friends over me. Why was I being punished and ignored? I know it very well everyone has a personal space, so do I. You entered in that personal space and made a permanent space when I was trying to keep myself away from you. Do you know how hard it is to face frequent rejections, especially from the only love in your life? I do not intend to interfere in your choice of life or life partner. I do wish that you be mine but I will somehow manage and be happy if you are happy with someone else, but it cannot go both ways together.

There was a silence in the room for some moments. He broke the silence and said, “You know what’s wrong with you? You are being too restrictive and judgemental to yourself. You know it that you like me, and probably love me too … and that you get sexually aroused by touching my body or if I touch your body, but you are not willing to accept it for whatever prejudices in your mind. You should at least give it a try. Live your life free of all such restrictions and don’t be judgemental. Let the life freely flow. Follow you heart for some time and see what makes you feel happy. No one can force you, at least not me.  I am always here to see you happy. Forgive me if my stupidity last night caused all these troubles.

I was speechless at his humble yet powerful way of telling me that I was wrong. Yes, I was really wrong and played with his sentiments and that’s too in disguise of helping him. I needed some more time for introspection. I got up from the bed as we were getting late to get ready for office.

The Trick ! (Part -3)


After reaching in room, the first thing that needed attention was to get a shower and change the clothes wet with mix of rain water and road water. I was taking my clothes and towel from cupboard when the roomie entered in the room after parking his bike properly.

He glanced at me, and then moved forward but I ignored him and went to bathroom to take the shower. After putting my dry (new) clothes on the shelf inside bathroom, I was unbuttoning my shirt when he entered inside bathroom and locked the door from inside. I was thinking why the hell would he do that? What is going on (in his mind)?

While I was making wild guesses without any clues, he approached me. He was appearing as a villain to me at that moment filled with all sort of negativity. I moved back but there was not much scope, I was already standing under shower (close to the wall). In a steps or two I hit the wall behind me. His movements were making me anxious. He came close to me, very close and then blocked my all possible escape routes by covering me in between his arms and walls. His both hands were on the wall on both sides of me. He was staring at me looking directly in my eyes. I could clearly see the over-dose of confidence in his eyes that was making me more nervous. I tried a failed attempt to threaten him of dire-consequences but my stammering voice and low-confidence tone could not produce the desired effect of threatening. Instead, it sounded like I was begging him for something.

I could hardly finish the phrase, “Look ! … I am warning yo…” when he placed his index finger on my lips to turn me silent, and said “Sssshhhh….!”. He then started moving it from where it was placed on my lips to the other end of my lips. Slowly, he leaned over and attempted to kiss me. I turned my face away to avoid him. This was for the first time in our last 3 months together when I was feeling afraid of him, nervous, low in confidence and helpless. He paused and said, “Don’t worry ! I am not going to eat you. All I want is to have a bath together.”

I slowly turned back to see him. Mostly the eyes reflect the truth beyond the spoken words.I wanted to read the truth behind his words. He was still standing in that previous kissing pose, and as soon as turned back to him, he planted a kiss on my lips. The first kiss was relatively smaller one and a surprise to me. Then he gave me a little break and resumed a passionate and longer kissing sequence.

kiss He grabbed my face in his hands when I tried to resist; so I was unable to move away. I tried my best to push him away from me but he was holding me tightly. Anyways, I am not a match to his gym-toned slightly muscular body built. I even could not take his hands off my face. I got a chance to feel his rock-hard muscular biceps when I tried moving his hands off my face.

Seeing me fighting hard, he relieved my face a bit and moved his left hand to caress my hair and started massaging gently on my head. My shirt was already unbuttoned. He placed his right hand on my chest close to my nipples and started sliding it all the way from my nipple to my belly and up to my waistline. shirtoff He said, “Relax ! Don’t panic. I won’t harm you darling. Don’t you Believe me? Don’t complicate it and make it harder for both of us.”  It sounded like a threat, a warning to me at that moment. His acts were clearly reminding me of an elephant who is in the “Musth” state (un-controllable state), due to increased levels of Testosterone hormones. I felt like it would be safer to follow his directions instead of fights.

He grabbed my shirt from the collar which was already unbuttoned and then pulled it off gently, and started un-buttoning his own shirt. In a moment, we were both bare-chested. He gave me once again that “hungry” looks and then grabbed my right hand and placed it on his back near waist line. He probably wanted some sort of participation from me, instead of being a victim or behaving like a dead meat.

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His seducing actions lowered my fears of “unexpected horrors” and also made me feel sexually aroused. It was a real, warm, smooth human body that I was embracing, which was so far only possible for me in my dreams or fantasies. This was first time experience for me to have such a close and sensational touch of a human body. I don’t find myself capable of describing in words the sensation of touch and feel of a smooth, soft, shiny body which I was embracing and which was touching me from chest to chest and belly to belly. Moreover his moving fingers were accelerating the hormones in required body parts of my body.

 He then folded his knees and pulled my jeans a little down and next I felt was a warm, sensational touch around my waistline. He was licking across my waistline from one end to another. The tickling sensation due to his licking automatically made me move my hands to his shoulders and his head to control his movements.

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I assume he was enjoying it because next he pulled my jeans a little more downwards  (that gave me shivers again for the fears of getting raped) and then what I felt was a more passionate kiss and licking around my belly button. He was trying to grab my belly (skin) in his lips and moving upwards. It was deep and passionate kiss and its effect lasted on me too. This time he even went farther and started licking from the area where pubic hair start.

Start-2

His kissing was making me horny too but his actions were also making me fret on next (expected) horrendous part. He moved upwards, kissing most of my belly, chest and then nipple en-route and played around my nipples with his lips for a few moments. That was beyond my tolerance limits as I have very sensitive nipples and these are one of my weak points in my fantasies. He probably already knew it and that’s why he spent extra time here. It made my penis rock-hard and pumping up and down. I tried hard but could not stop moaning in ecstasy.

Nipple-6

While continuing to play with my nipples, he grabbed my crotch and balls in one hand and my hips from other hand and gave them a squeeze.

squeeze

He then took off his jeans, and socks and now he was wearing only undies.roomie-undies He was constantly staring at my body during all this and passing me smiles. Over dose of testosterone rushing through my body had also made me fearless to quite some extent and all I wanted was to reach the climax and unload. The super hard crotch was now throbbing with full pressure. He opened the button of my jeans and pulled down my jeans too. Now I was also in my undies in front of him. But there was a difference in my and his undies. My undie looked similar to following (don’t go on mini or micro style of undie.. the matter is the Tent position):

my

He stood up straight and pulled my hands up and made me stand in an under-arrest, tied position with his one hand. I was breathing heavily with excitement and was desperately looking at him to stop torturing me like a sex-slave and help me unload my burden fast.

boys embrace pits

He kissed my armpits, and then kissed me passionately and then continued kissing me on my neck/shoulder and hugged me tightly in his arms and started the shower above us. Probably he also was in a dilemma whether he should proceed any further or if that could be “dangerous” to “our future”. Or, I guess, my surrender to his actions and no resistance might have turned him to re-think and be soft on me.

KissNeck

We kept standing there hugging each other under shower for a long time and he kept on kissing me and rub my back.

This was literally a KLPD event, and my first time with someone, which I won’t be able to forget throughout my life. There were many thoughts, mixed emotions and turbulence after we came out of bathroom finishing our shower but we did not talk to each other even a single word rest of the night.