Seeing him over-sleepy like Kumbhkaran, we consulted the doctor again and he modified the prescription by stopping two medicines that were causing him this sleepiness. Doctor had added these as a diagnosis of stress/depression related symptom and wanted to give his mind a “worry free” time by making him sleep most of the time. He was a little alert and attentive on Thursday after we stopped giving those two medicines.
We were sitting on the bed, with his back resting on my chest. I embraced him in my arms and kissed on his cheek to make him more comfortable with me and to make him agree to what I was going to ask him next. I told him that we will go see a Psychologist tomorrow. He was kind of shocked to hear the word “Psychologist” from me.
“What for?”, he asked out of curiosity. I told him that the doctor from the nursing home has strongly advised him to consult a Psychologist as he might be undergoing a stress or anxiety attack. I deliberately did not use the word “Depression” to avoid any conflict of interests. People are usually wary of visiting a Psychologist or Psychiatrist as they are assumed to be the Doctors for mentally-abnormal patients.
He told me that he is ready to go to Psychologist or anywhere with me, although it is not required. He also clarified that he did not have any past history of stress or anxiety or any other medical condition that required a consultation with Psychologist or Psychiatrist.
“But, it also cannot be termed normal. It was a kind of suicide attempt.”, I said bluntly.
“There were many such suicidal thoughts coming to my mind when you rejected me. But I ignored them. Because I did not want to die. I wanted to live with you. But it was almost impossible for me to overcome the dejection from the only love of my life. I agree it was my mistake to kiss you without your consent, but I could not bear it any longer when you said everything is over between us and you were going to move out. You closed all the doors for me. There was nothing left for me to live on. Although I was feeling hurt when you said people like me make it worse for homo-sexuals to live with dignity, I could understand it, but I lost every hope of living when you were not in my life anymore, and there were no hopes to get you back in future.”, He said in a mild tone.
“Why? You already have a ‘Jaanu’ in your life.”, I was curious to know about the girl whom I spoke a while ago, so I added a hint to her contact named ‘Jaanu’. I continued, “I am sorry, but I contacted her using your phone. I was trying to contact anyone from your family so that they can take proper care of you.”
“She was my fiancée till a few days back, before you entered my life.”, he exclaimed.
I was still gazing at him. He continued, “She was a very understanding and gem of a person. I found her complimenting me in all aspects of my life. She was very supportive to me in all ups and downs of my life. As I was falling in love with you, and was unable to keep myself away from you, I felt it that it will be totally inappropriate for me to keep her in dark. I knew, I cannot marry her now. I have devoted my life to you, whether you accept it or not. There is no space left for anyone else. I did not want to ruin her life so I decided to tell her honestly that I am in love with someone else so that she does not keep on waiting for me.”
“Oh ! So, I am your new ‘Jaanu’?”, I smirked.
“You’re everything I have got in my life.“, he smiled back at me. “You made me feel content and complete. You filled in all that was still missing in my life. You gave me a reason to live.“, he said while looking deep in my eyes.
I was happy to know that my perception of his being Playboy was wrong and nothing but my imagination. He was turning in to a Romeo and spell of his love had already started affecting me.