After Effects of the Kiss (Part-1)

A day after the last Kissing event, I decided to talk to him straight and tell him that I find his provocative and intimidating actions totally inappropriate, and that he has crossed a boundary. I know, it is a bit late on my side now and I should have confronted him right at that moment when he kissed my belly button, but it all happened so quickly and at that time I was in a mixed state of shock, nervousness and emotional-turmoil that made me go completely blank. Even after hours of this event, I was not able to sleep or decide what should I do and how should I react? Besides, I am not good at giving instant reactions. I am just not able to react instantly. That’s my very nature, and out of my control.

Because of this incident, I have decided to cover up myself, and last night, I preferred to sleep wearing a vest, instead of sleeping bare-chested. I also tried to keep myself awake till he is not asleep. But it cannot be sustained for a long time. I cannot change my routine for such things. I have to sleep early and don’t need to exhaust myself when I feel sleepy just for sake of saving myself from such accidents or to wait for him to sleep before me because I feel secured? Further, It is more comfortable to sleep without vest due to long power cuts and hot & humid climate conditions. Even if I try, I will have to revert back, it was clear from last night sleep experience.

It was not just a matter of a kiss. It was more severe incident involving violation of my rights and my freedom, and breach of trust when I trusted him as a friend. It was a kind of physical abuse. The trauma is that I cannot go anywhere and complaint about it or discuss it with anyone. Everyone will probably make fun of it, or challenge my being a “Man”. People may also consider my involvement in it to some extent because they may strongly believe in proverbs like “There are no fumes without a fire”.

Initially, I decided to silently close the chapter and stop all interactions with him barring extremely necessary ones and then to switch to a new rented accommodation. But it is not so easy either. First, the cost factor. The cost of living in Metro cities like Delhi NCR is sky high. Second, I am not in a financial position to opt for an independent room or flat. Third, I had already signed a lease agreement, with 2 months rent in advance deposit and one month’s rent in security deposit that makes it a total of 3 months rent paid in advance. It is hardly a month since I moved in to this room. I cannot manage another 3 months of rent in advance, even if I ignore the agent’s commission (which is again a month’s rent). So, this not at all a feasible option for me.

Last night, during the discussion with one of my Facebook friends (I would call him “A” here), who noticed this incident from my bog, I got a valuable suggestion. “A” pushed me to not let it go and talk to him directly and express my concerns over his unacceptable behavior with me. Initially I was reluctant to talk to my roomie about it but it turned out that not talking could even worsen the situation. If I don’t raise my objections, he could make further advancements or take undue advantage of the situation, considering it either an acceptance from me or non-denial and that would only be troubling me further. It was late night, so I decided to talk to my roomie next morning.

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5 thoughts on “After Effects of the Kiss (Part-1)

  1. If you feel so strongly about his actions then you certainly should talk about it. Not talking about it will, as you said, give him the impression that you are enjoying it. Better to get it clear with him otherwise it will blow up on both of you someday. If you are not interested in him at all, just make it clear that there are boundaries you don’t like crossed. However, in his case it might not be easy seeing he appears to be completely smitten by you. Better start looking for a new roommate, for both of your sake.

    1. Yes, you are right Abhijit. I talked to him already this morning. I will also put that in next post sometime soon. This blog is my personal diary. What disturbed me more was that I had already pointed him out very clearly that “I don’t love him the way he loves me” during Roses (my birthday) event. I also made it clear to him that I just like him as a friend and as a person and not like a lover. So, in my opinion, I had already set his expectations very clear.

  2. Pingback: Desi Munda says…

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