A day after the last Kissing event, I decided to talk to him straight and tell him that I find his provocative and intimidating actions totally inappropriate, and that he has crossed a boundary. I know, it is a bit late on my side now and I should have confronted him right at that moment when he kissed my belly button, but it all happened so quickly and at that time I was in a mixed state of shock, nervousness and emotional-turmoil that made me go completely blank. Even after hours of this event, I was not able to sleep or decide what should I do and how should I react? Besides, I am not good at giving instant reactions. I am just not able to react instantly. That’s my very nature, and out of my control.
Because of this incident, I have decided to cover up myself, and last night, I preferred to sleep wearing a vest, instead of sleeping bare-chested. I also tried to keep myself awake till he is not asleep. But it cannot be sustained for a long time. I cannot change my routine for such things. I have to sleep early and don’t need to exhaust myself when I feel sleepy just for sake of saving myself from such accidents or to wait for him to sleep before me because I feel secured? Further, It is more comfortable to sleep without vest due to long power cuts and hot & humid climate conditions. Even if I try, I will have to revert back, it was clear from last night sleep experience.
It was not just a matter of a kiss. It was more severe incident involving violation of my rights and my freedom, and breach of trust when I trusted him as a friend. It was a kind of physical abuse. The trauma is that I cannot go anywhere and complaint about it or discuss it with anyone. Everyone will probably make fun of it, or challenge my being a “Man”. People may also consider my involvement in it to some extent because they may strongly believe in proverbs like “There are no fumes without a fire”.
Initially, I decided to silently close the chapter and stop all interactions with him barring extremely necessary ones and then to switch to a new rented accommodation. But it is not so easy either. First, the cost factor. The cost of living in Metro cities like Delhi NCR is sky high. Second, I am not in a financial position to opt for an independent room or flat. Third, I had already signed a lease agreement, with 2 months rent in advance deposit and one month’s rent in security deposit that makes it a total of 3 months rent paid in advance. It is hardly a month since I moved in to this room. I cannot manage another 3 months of rent in advance, even if I ignore the agent’s commission (which is again a month’s rent). So, this not at all a feasible option for me.
Last night, during the discussion with one of my Facebook friends (I would call him “A” here), who noticed this incident from my bog, I got a valuable suggestion. “A” pushed me to not let it go and talk to him directly and express my concerns over his unacceptable behavior with me. Initially I was reluctant to talk to my roomie about it but it turned out that not talking could even worsen the situation. If I don’t raise my objections, he could make further advancements or take undue advantage of the situation, considering it either an acceptance from me or non-denial and that would only be troubling me further. It was late night, so I decided to talk to my roomie next morning.